keep it alive

Why I started caring again

2009-08-21T16:27:00.003-06:00

I think being casually apathetic started in high school. Not really caring about others -- in a school context, in particular. I don't recall caring about bettering myself either. I think anti-depression drugs had a lot to do with that, looking back. Let's be honest: Zoloft, Effexor, etc have one goal: to even out the serotonin in your brain enough so you can function. They can and will make you numb as well. Just a disclaimer. Part of the process.

I probably could've been a better wife the first time around, as a result. I will continue dealing with that. I'm sorry that I wasn't mature enough to deal with what was brought to the table: from either end.

My point: you understand what has happened in life and you move forward. You learn what your body chemistry is so you can tell your kids what they might have to deal with. You figure out if you will be a good mom based on your experiences.

I started caring again because of love, "real love" and coming to the adult part of your journey in life. I'm just glad it was when I was 26 or so, not later on.

Dear Test Kitchen

2009-07-26T16:48:00.003-06:00

I need to tell you why I am irked at you. Why we are upset at your condescension, your smugness at somehow...but not really...having the "corner market" regarding the good food of Kansas City.

We signed up, one of us new to Kansas and the Midwest, thinking a Test Kitchen would be exclusive, but not pretentious. We believed we'd be able to meet people who cared about cuisine. We instead learned that the Test Kitchen is available to whoever signs up; that the current email list is over 400 people. If you have Internet access, readily available cash, and believe that the Food Network is special, you too could be a part of a status symbol.

There is nothing Underground about this Supper Club. The Tastebud magazine let us know that.

We believed, somehow, that those in the trenches were involved, not those who seek to make a buck being trendy and available and...here it is again: exclusive.
At the outset, we knew the "selected" for each (on average) monthly event is 20 people. We did not know our chances would be less than 5%. This would've been good to know. A disclosure at the outset, shall we say.

When rejected, we did not wish to get the following rhyme:

"Although today was not your day,
and we had to give your seat away,
rest assured in just 30 days,
you'll have a new chance to come and play."

Right. Another .5% chance. For a menu that may or may not be disclosed. To those who may or may not give a damn.

The sad thing is, I will probably put my name in the lottery again. I'm curious about others who take the time and pay the money to spend time with a chef who produces great food. It is sad that such an event must be a gamble.

Things My Parents Told Me About Food that Weren't True

2009-07-11T18:28:00.003-06:00

Went to the Farmer's Market in Lawrence today and got to thinking about what my parents (actually my Mom now that i think about it) told me about food that was not true.

1. Red and yellow and orange peppers taste like green.

2. Spam is delicious.
>>Dad made me a Spam sandwich and one bite told me this was not true

3. English muffins travel well in lunch boxes.
>>I recently found out that English muffins are part of a category called "hide bread." Items in this group do not taste cooked unless they are toasted. I thought it was just me being picky, but it turns out that a lot of people don't like it either.

4. Allspice is a blend of cinnamon, allspice and clove.
>>it is actually a berry that is its own spice. You can make an approximation of allspice using these ingredients but its not the same thing.

5. You can freeze everything and it will be ok to eat once it is reheated.
>>I will let you use your imagination here. =)

Happy Anniversary to my Finnish friend!

2009-07-07T21:50:00.004-06:00

So Rhia is celebrating her first anniversary of blogging over at http://www.evildressmaker.blogspot.com
Check her out! She translates to English. =)

Facebook Groups

2009-06-29T18:50:00.002-06:00

I started a Group called Menudo is Delicious and I Love It. I am currently the only member, but I hope that more people will join. The problem is that many people don't think it is delicious. My family has tried it and they don't like it much. But I urge you to give it a try, especially if you are a fan of:
a)tripe
b)spicy foods
c) strong flavors (oregano, cumin, chili powder) in soup

I did find a place in Kansas City that has supposedly good menudo. I will have to go there soon.
Even my husband doesn't like menudo. He and I are going to start a Group called: "Our
Birthday is on a Holiday and That Makes Us Better Than You."

when I was little

2009-06-22T11:31:00.002-06:00

This is a quiz translated from Finnish so some of the questions are kind of funny.

1. Where and when you were born?
At the (still) only hospital in Lawrence, KS

2. Do you have siblings?
My brother was born when I was 2 and a half and my sister when I was 4 and a half.

3. Were you in daycare?
Not in the traditional sense. Mom worked half days until we were school-age or so and we had babysitters frequently.

4. Did you have any pets?
no. I got my first guinea pig when I was in second grade.

5. Do you remember the time when kids didn't have any safety seats?
yeah, we fought over sitting shotgun all the time. there were no shoulder belts in the backseat, either

6. Did you have any favorite toy?
I had a lot of stuffed animals and a flying unicorn that I was convinced watched over me, i was fine with nothing else but my blankie and a few good books though

7. Do you remember what you were going to be when you grow up?
I wanted to be a cookbook writer or a language teacher or a lawyer

8. Were you invisible child or naughty and noisy?
I was pretty bad. Not compared to other kids but I had this ability to drive my parents crazy!

9. Were you wandering around other peoples yards to play with other kids, key hanging on your neck?
There were a lot of kids around so we always had someone to play with, especially when I was oh, 8 and younger

10. Did you sleep lights on?
No, but I couldn't sleep with the door shut

11. Your favourite kids program?
We watched Sesame Street, the Smurfs, Rainbow Brite, GI Joe, Punky Brewster (the cartoon version)

12. Do you remember your first day at school?
Very hazy but yeah...there was a lot going on and too much commotion...I remember just wanting things to start so I could go home again

13. Did you collect anything?
I had a rock and shell collection and a lot of colored pencils and things like that

14. Your favourite subjects?
I liked to read. i didn't really want to do anything else most of the time.

15. Were you bully at school or the one to be bullied?
I looked kind of funny so I was bullied or kind of a loner

16. Your hobbies?
reading, playing outside, watching TV, singing loudly, cooking whenever I was allowed

17. Your friends?
matt miller, melissa tacke, misty sterrett...there were others

18. Your favourite memory of lower classes event?
Anything quiet where I wouldn't be singled out or asked to do things in front of other people

19. What was your first teacher like?
mean and hateful =) They weren't always, I guess, but I do remember thinking wow, your job really sucks.

20. Did your parents have tough rules?
not really. manners at the dinner table were always really enforced. We always had to be happy or at least make conversation and if not, we had to go to the bathroom and "come out when we could be pleasant."

21. How did your family spend holidays?
We traveled around quite a bit. We went to Texas, Chicago, Oregon, Washington, Colorado, and of course to family events nearby

22. Your favourite food as a kid?
I really liked almost everything. Sugary stuff tasted so much better back then.

23. Did people smoke inside back then?
I still remember hostesses at restaurants saying, "smoking or non-smoking section?"

24. What were you afraid of?
dark, fire, stepping on worms

25. Do you have your own kids now?
No, but when I do, I hope they read this

In Kansas Now!

2009-06-21T08:41:00.002-06:00

In the last month, I've quit my job in Wheat Ridge, E has graduated, we got married the same day and moved to Kansas 5 days later. I started my new job on June 1 and E started his new job on Friday.

I'd say the most fun thing we've done since we've been here was yesterday when we went to the Farmer's Market in Lawrence. Its huge! We got duck eggs, goat and lamb chops, radish pods (had never seen those before), green garlic, local raw goat cheese, baby crookneck squash...a lot of great stuff. We made lunch for Dad after. I think he liked most of it.

Today we are going to a Royals game. It has been so hot and humid out, but it'll be fun. Aud is moving to Columbia soon to start med school at Mizzou so its good time together. My birthday is in 2 weeks and I have it all planned out!!

Best and Worst

2009-05-04T20:31:00.000-06:00

1. My name:
BEST thing is that my first name is so familiar and classic
WORST...changing your last name is such a pain but it feels foreign and weird to me

2. My face:
BEST is that it is very expressive and I have a pretty good smile
WORST it is very expressive...i couldn't play poker to save my life

3. My body:
BEST thing: I'm pretty limber and don't get sore when I'm active
WORST part is my stupid stubby legs

4. My character:
BEST features are: not a lot bothers me, long-term. I'm also a good listener and try hard to be accepting
WORST thing is: I'm an extreme introvert and fairly socially awkward

5. My wardrobe:
BEST items are my Threadless t-shirts
WORST part is how generic it is. I guess...how can it be worst if I really don't mind?

6. My home:
BEST thing is the location and the fact that theres not room to cram it full of junk
WORST is that its pretty old and not in a great part of town

7. My work:
BEST: its pretty laidback in terms of schedule
WORST is the general lack of communication and the fact that most residents never get to leave. Like Hotel California without fun drugs or a pool.

8. My friends:
BEST thing is that tthey are loyal and we can pick up right where we left off, no matter how long it has been. I know they will do anything for me and hope they know I would do the same for them!
WORST is that i don't see them as often as I'd like and I'm such an introvert kind of keeps the number limited

9. My family:
BEST about my family is they are stable and supportive and role models
WORST thing is sometimes I feel disconnected from them and wonder if it is just the distance

10. My hobbies:
BEST thing is that they are mostly the same as the ones I had a decade ago
WORST is that too many of them involve sitting on my ass

11. My partner:
BEST about him is we have more in common that I ever thought possible, I can't imagine living life without him and am excited about our adventures.
WORST is that he feels limited when he shouldn't ~ he has no idea how successful he can and will be

12. My pets:
BEST thing: they are so much fun and are always changing
WORST: their claws and the fact you can't stick them in a cage and ignore them when they bother you

13. My use of language:
BEST: I think I have a pretty good vocabulary
WORST is making up voices for the cats and animals in general...it amuses me to no end and I'm glad eric puts up with it

14. My music taste:
BEST thing is I like songs in almost every genre
WORST thing is that I get sick of songs more than I used to

15. My home town:
BEST everyone is friendly and there is always something to do
WORST is you can't really go anywhere without running into someone you either know or recognize

16. My diet:
BEST i really enjoy vegetables
WORST is I am starting to be a fried food connoisseur

17. My children:
BEST: they are imaginary, for now
WORST: might have imaginary down syndrome

18. My neighbors:
BEST: are very interesting
WORST the transvestite kind of creeps me out and I'm worried that Grandma Chimney will burn our complex down

19. My current life:
BEST is that it is starting in a new direction
WORST part is the uncertainties and stress that come along with it

20. The future:
BEST is that you never know what is coming next!
WORST is all the responsibility that comes with it

Wedding dress, from Finland with love

2009-04-23T09:19:00.005-06:00

My friend Meri is adding some flair and love to my fairly bland and generic (but still nice) J. Crew wedding dress. My theme is 1930's-1940's style. I'm going to have a vintage hairstylist work her magic and do my makeup...

But this is what I'm really excited about. Closeups of the silk petals and crystals.

http://evildressmaker.blogspot.com/2009/04/silkkia-ja-kimallusta.html

More pics...

The Anger Diet

2009-03-09T20:38:00.002-06:00

Here are 10 steps to control anger, Dr. Shoshanna calls it "the Emergency Technique."
I paraphrased some, the spirit (and the difficulty) remains the same.

1. The moment you notice you're angry, even a little bit, stop everything. Stand or sit completely still. Breathe deeply, become as silent as you can. Count your breaths until you get to 10.

2. Put this situation in the largest possible context, preferably the context of your entire life. Realize that whatever it is, its not the end of the world.

3. Allow for the possibility that you are wrong. You will come up with a 1000 reasons why you are right, as the anger builds. You will think of why you have a right to be angry. Society encourages us not to be a doormat, to get what is right for us. Realize that we can never know or clearly see the entire situation.

4. Understand that the other party feels justified in their own perspective.
Pretend that the other party might actuallly be right and that you don't need to be right. There are plenty of other times that you can be right; you can be right another time.

5. Remind yourself that the other person is not necessarily trying to do you wrong or make you upset. Anger is all about how you perceive what is happening ~ the story you tell yourself.

6. Realize that a lot of the time anger breeds paranoia. The other person might think that you are trying to do him/her wrong, and might just be defending themselves. If you can, picture that the person is saying what they are saying to try to help you, even if it doesn't seem like it.

7. Imagine something that would make you feel compassion for the other party, for instance, that they are suffering or have recently experienced a loss. When we feel compassion for someone, it is impossible to be angry with them.

8. Forgive the person for having made you angry.

9. Forgive yourself for having been angry and for acting however you did.

10. Think of a way you could turn the situation around and make an enemy into a friend. Think of how you can help this person.

Oh the things I've done!

2009-02-09T11:25:00.004-07:00

I got this off my Finnish friend Meri's blog:
>>in bold are the things I've done

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and didn't care who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer >>don't think a backup counts
40. Visited all 50 states (USA) >> I think I'm at 45!
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Taken a midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theatre
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business >> Emily's weed-pulling, 3 cents a weed!
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest >>hawt 70s costume when I was 13
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on a television news program as an "expert"
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth >>>unsuccessfully
112. Won money on a TV game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on a photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for 30 hours in a 48 hour period
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. States
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat >>>not sure
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions (the ones so far anyway)
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

Gambling isn't for me

2009-01-26T10:57:00.002-07:00

Blackhawk was ok. We went to Mardi Gras Casino which was like Vegas-lite. Cleaner, too. Played slots and Blackjack. I had read that you have the best odds playing craps which they don't have. And I don't know how to play.

The maximum bet there is $5. When/if I go back I'll play $3 blackjack...Losing $$ slower is more fun, especially if you are with people who have more $ to spend.

I will be interested to see if there is any spike in the crime rate when the maximum bet is raised to $100 and the casinos can be open 24 hrs a day, starting in July.

Sports betting seems like something I'd be more interested in...it takes longer for you to win or lose money and the more you know about the teams, the better your odds. At least from my perspective.

I'd just be too hard on myself if I lost though. That just takes all the fun out of it...just don't have $$ to burn.

Being Social

2009-01-21T12:14:00.003-07:00

Those of you who know me know that I'm a homebody and introvert. Being social I can do in small doses because it makes me so tired. While having a child is something I want, it is sometimes hard for me to imagine not being alone when I need to recharge.

Anyway, last Sunday we had lunch with Weeman and his new girlfriend, whose name I have already forgotten. Friday I'm going up to Blackhawk to the casinos with a couple of girls from work. I've already budgeted a small amount for this trip and we are pretty excited about going. I don't think they get out much either. =)

I really hope it doesn't snow. Brooke says she won't drive us up there if it does. It is kind of up in the mountains, about 45 minutes away.

The funny part is that Grandpa's invention, the Air Train is vying for a bid to build a system that goes from the Denver area to the Central City area casinos and maybe the mountains. What makes it even more ironic is that Grandpa is against gambling and I doubt he has ever played a round of poker in his life.

Being Healthy

2009-01-21T12:02:00.002-07:00

A lot of peoples' New Year's resolutions have to do with getting more exercise. I usually do fairly well in that area, so I thought about what else I could do to be healthy.

1) Eat less processed food and sweets in general. I am purchasing whole turkeys instead of the roasted/preserved turkey for work, and every time I do this I remember to eat this way myself. Someday I hope we will be able to purchase "natural" ham but this isn't cost-effective right now.

I try to remember what desserts we serve that I like the best and eat only those, maybe one a week. I don't eat Dum-Dums anymore.

2) E's stepmom got us wheatgrass for the cats and they don't really like it...I remember having shots of it at Juice Stop and even though we have no juicer, i'm trying to have some 3 times a week. The health benefits are amazing. Every time I cut the wheat grass, I think of Treasa and her battle with cancer.

3) Supplements ~ I normally switch around, depending on whatever is on sale and I feel I am deficient in. Which isn't very healthy. So I'm sticking with hyaluronic acid tabs for my skin and quercetin, an antioxidant found to be very beneficial in preventing cancer. Both of these are have fairly clear benefits (as far as they can be, not being officially tested by the FDA) and the latter helps ease my mind because cancer runs in my family.

That is pretty much it...I love vegetables and could quite probably be deficient in protein if I didn't have someone around who loves steak and pork. =)

The New Year

2009-01-06T20:54:00.000-07:00

So I decided that my major resolution for 2009 is to have a positive attitude when I get up in the morning. If you have that, you are less likely to do things I sometimes have a problem with:

1) Say mean things while trying to be funny/not thinking.

2) Take things too seriously when others are in a bad mood.

3) Not communicate when I feel like it is worthless to do so.

4) Dwell on things in the past and create an air of distrust for those who love me.

In general, having a good attitude helps me think of each day as a gift.
I've been able to do that for 6 days so far. 4 days more than I've ever been able to keep any other resolution.

What I Would Like For Christmas

2008-10-29T12:16:00.002-06:00

I read a site called frequently and get a lot of ideas for dinner. I tend to focus more on the here and now than the future when it comes to food...Christmas is in the future after all though, and I came across this article about Samuel Adams Utopias beer . I believe there have been stronger beers and more expensive beers (Sam Adams Millennium, at least on eBay) but this one I have had and it is delicious...more like a beer-cognac than what you normally get from this brewery. I've also seen it for as little as $99 in the store. That is what I got the bottle for originally, back when I was young, foolish and had a lot of expendable cash.

If you, for some reason, would like to spoil me, this is a perfect way to do it. I promise to sip it slowly and enjoy it well into the New Year.

Time Flies

2008-10-24T12:50:00.002-06:00

I can't believe it has been a month since I have posted. A lot has happened in that time...October has really sucked, for lack of a more eloquent term. I can't ever remember anything bad that has happened in November, at least in recent memory, so next Saturday will be a blessing.

We're staying in CO for Thanksgiving. Have a menu and everything...its going to be a lot of fun ~ both preparing for it and enjoying "the fruits", so to speak. I get Turkey Day off as a paid holiday and am taking a 3-day weekend after as well. I'm going to miss my family but Christmas will be less than a month away. Going to Kansas for that.

Hmm, what else. I'm not writing specifics of what has happened this month because most of it I'd rather forget. No one died, no one got sick or injured and all the basics (shelter, food, job/school) stayed the same. There was just a lot of unnecessary stress that occurred all at once.

I will say that tomorrow is the Certified Dietary Manager exam in Colorado Springs. I hope it is not too difficult. A little over 70% passed when it was given this past March and my work is paying for it...I'm confident, which has more than can be said of late.

Family Weekend

2008-09-25T11:29:00.002-06:00

Dad and Peggy are coming out this weekend. I'm making a Greek dish tomorrow night for them...its called Pastisio and is a cross between manicotti and lasagna. There is bell pepper and eggplant in it and both marinara and bechamel sauces....I'm starting it tonight.

Last night I went to Crossroads Church for the first time...Its a really neat place and I'm going to keep attending.

I've always heard that it isn't possible to train a cat, but Yoda scratched my nose pretty good while jumping on me...I was laying on the couch. It doesn't really hurt but looks funny.

3 Things

2008-09-23T15:33:00.002-06:00

What are the last three things you purchased:
1. Yoda's vet services (I still feel bad for that little dude and what he went through)
2. specific store-brand bread for a resident
3. hopefully the last groceries for awhile

What are the last three songs you downloaded:
Don't know the exact songs - but I know I recently downloaded songs from:
1. a bunch of Outkast
2. eric downloaded some Serge Tankian
3. probably rap

What are the last three places you visited?
1. Hot Sulphur Springs, CO
2. Lawrence, Kansas
3. various places in Michigan

What are your three favorite movies?
1. The Big Lebowski
2. any of Steve Carell's movies
3. Good Will Hunting

What are your three favorite possessions?
1. blankie
2. pictures of my family
3. my Las Vegas shirt

What are three things you can't live without?
1. Beetle
2. my bike/my family and best friend
3. Whistle and Yoda (the cats)

What would be your three wishes?
1. to approach every situation with grace and patience
2. To love everyone and never lose my temper
3. a long,ong healthy and happy life for everyone close to me

What are three things that you have not done yet?
1. traveled to Europe
2. quit drinking completely
3. grown my own vegetables, herbs, flowers, etc

What are your 3 favorite dishes?
1. sushi
2. pork belly
3. spicy food/salad

What 3 celebrities would you want to hang out with most?
1. Seth Rogen
2. Natalie Portman
3. the actress that plays Olivia on Law & Order: SVU

If you could describe yourself in 3 words what would it be?
1. hard-headed
2. resourceful
3. helpful

What are 3 things you are currently coveting?
1. anything from villainess.net
2. a plane ticket to kansas for Christmas
3. a Certified Dietary Manager...certification

Name 3 things you are unusually good at.
1. finding information on the internet
2. getting through difficult situations
3. dealing with physical pain

AIG Bailout

2008-09-17T08:33:00.003-06:00

I used to work for a company owned by AIG...not saying names, but this is just another reason I'm glad I do not work for Fremerican Reneral any longer...
I'm kind of curious what will happen. I doubt they will go under, because they make quite a bit of money for "the mother ship," and a couple of my friends would lose their jobs. At some point, you have to realize that you are not doing anyone a service by helping them buy something they cannot afford and now especially, will probably get repossessed anyway.

On a completely different note...

I don't really think anyone reads this blog. Which is fine. I mean, I know several people who do, on occasion but it doesn't have a very big readership. I don't think.
I love writing in it and it feels so good to express myself in a way that can be saved permanently. I wonder what my (future) children will think about their Mom, in all her crazy glory.

Full Moon

2008-09-15T16:18:00.002-06:00

The residents at work act a little different during a full moon. For example, today a resident made a "purse" out of a brief (basically an adult diaper). She saw all of the features of such a soft, yet supportive design. When we tried to give her a real purse, she said she liked the one she had because "nothing would get scratched in it." The resident's room is right across the hall from my office so I listened to at least 5 people try to figure out why she had her personal belongings inside a brief.

Later on was craft time. The residents were painting various wood items ~ tops (the spinning kind), pumpkins, etc. Apparently the paint smelled pretty good because at least one resident tried to eat it. Several others tried to drink the paint water.

Other topics right off the top of my head...

I really like Michael Cera as an actor, but he needs to learn how to play another character. Nick and Nora looks like a combination of Superbad and Juno...with a dash of the Rocker thrown in. Not interested.

I've been eating roasted jalapenos every day. I can't explain why except for that they taste so good and lately, the hotter the item, the better. And some menudo sounds so good right now!

Enneagrams are Fun

2008-08-05T12:58:00.003-06:00

A personality quiz, its very interesting and fairly accurate...just 130 questions and a lot of information.

I scored highest on the Calmness (#9) trait, followed by Detachment, Perfectionism, and Helpfulness.

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	57%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	57%
Type 3	Image Focus	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	31%
Type 4	Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	52%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	64%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	35%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	51%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	77%

Your main type is 9
Your variant is self pres

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Wouldn't This Be Nice?

2008-07-30T19:36:00.004-06:00

We really need a king-size bed...just for this!

Food Quizzes

2008-07-30T11:04:00.002-06:00

I'm a Glazed Donut

You Are a Glazed Donut

Okay, you know that you're plain - and you're cool with that.
You prefer not to let anything distract from your sweetness.
Your appeal is understated yet universal. Everyone dig you.
And in a pinch, you'll probably get eaten.

What Condiment are You? I'm Barbeque Sauce

You Are Barbeque Sauce

You are a social person. You enjoy cooking for other people.
You are both skillful and competitive. You enjoy mastering hard tasks.
You appreciate complexity more than simplicity.

Your taste in food tends to lean toward interesting flavors.
You appreciate exotic spice combinations. You tend to like cutting edge, fusion cuisine.
You get along with all personalities from a distance. Except salsa personalities, who always seem to annoy you.

Ice Cream Personality Test

Your Ice Cream Personality:

You are an incredibly modest person. You don't feel comfortable bragging about yourself... or even receiving complements.

You are the type of person who likes to throw caution to the wind. You only live once, so you're going to live as large as possible. You are definitely a wild one!

You are a very open minded, liberal, and flexible person. You love many things. You tend to have tastes that range from down home to cosmopolitan.

You are a natural multitasker. You feel alive when you're doing more than one thing at a time.

You are fun loving and sweet. You tend to enjoy joking around and teasing people.

Loss

2008-07-29T14:17:00.003-06:00

Trying to remember what it was like before I met you is like trying to remember cold on a hot July afternoon.
From the moment we met, I knew how wonderful you were and wondered how I had missed out for so long. You brought new experiences and helped me find joy when there had been hesitancy and silence before.
You were not without pain, however. You hurt me and I allowed it, over and over again. Always promising to set limits, put up boundaries, avoid what I knew you would do. And somehow, you came to me, seducing me, coming deeper into my life.

The costs are high, I paid dearly in every way possible. I continue to pay, because I miss you like a friend. Like someone who has always been there. In every situation. Joy and pain, happiness and sorrow...you remain after I have thrown away hope and love, other friends and experiences.

Always you. Without you, you are here still. Your voice speaking to me. Sometimes loud, sometimes soft but always present and available.
I know you are not like this with everyone you know. There is something about me that lets you in, lets you get to me. This weakness is why I fight you.

New Definitions

2008-07-28T12:43:00.002-06:00

I've defined myself by a certain string of phrases for a long time...drinker, sometimes partier, puts food in mouth (because of the aforementioned)....etc. I think before those definitions I was too insecure to realize how great I had it. The struggle to fit in, the lack of knowing where I was going...all led to some really awesome self-destructive behavior.

So now there are new definitions. I don't even know what they are yet. I do know that I'm being looked after by many, and finally feel really really safe. All the distractions seem less somehow.

I'm going to take the Certified Dietary Manager test in October. It involves a drive down to Colorado Springs, a 4 hour exam, and lots of studying. Work paid for the test, which was really expensive, and Mom paid for the overpriced study guide. I have that to focus on.

I also get paid vacation starting in September. I'm probably going to have to use some of that time when I don't want to, but thats part of the way things are right now. I'm going to be able to spend time with my family and not have to give up money to do it!

The Democratic National Convention is coming to town in late August. I feel lucky I don't live close to downtown. I am just not that patient ~ with traffic, with people walking on the 16th Street Mall, with standing in line.

I'm going to be at home a lot, when I'm not working or riding my bike. E makes hemp items...I might learn to do that. But first I have to study for that expensive test that promises lots of success and rewards if I pass. ;-)

An Interesting Quiz....

2008-07-02T22:29:00.000-06:00

while I procrastinate packing for the looong weekend trip to Lawrence and think about exactly what I want to eat/drink for every meal on my birthday.

As a 1930s wife, I am
Average

Take the test!

On Direction and Purpose

2008-06-18T10:23:00.000-06:00

I just read a blog entry on MySpace that a friend wrote about contradictions in her life, on finding direction after college and the admittedly sad state of this country. One of her points was that critical thinking is no longer rewarded or encouraged, we are taught how to take tests rather than learn and how to become "cogs in the machine."

In a lot of ways, I'm not sure critical thinking has ever been encouraged. People are often threatened by those who go against the grain; those who speak out in a new direction.

And then I thought about the free thought/ hippie movement of the 60's...was that rewarded? In a lot of ways, counterculture of every kind has become important in hindsight. I wonder what the non-hippies, those who needed to be providers, those part of a conservative society, thought about the people who will always be symbols of that time period. Did hippies create change or simply point out what needed to be corrected?

It is easy to look back and say, "I should've done that differently" or "why did I waste so much time?" If you are not willing to act, if you are paralyzed in some regard, you cannot grow. Changes do not need to be ground-breaking or even noticed by others, but they need to happen.

We cannot be the same person we were a decade ago.

What to Say

2008-06-10T12:35:00.000-06:00

I make a collage every few years with pictures of people, photos and sayings. Some of the sayings are very meaningful and some are just snippets from a magazine.

One quote I am reflecting on more and more these days:
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning. "
~ Louis L'Amour

Thinking about that made me realize I have kept none of my New Years' resolutions, because the reverse is also true. You have to finish before you can begin.

I have a fairly good start on my resolutions now, which is more scary than empowering.

They say that making a serious mistake one time is natural, normal and understood by most. (Depending on what it is, of course.) Doing it again can be considered stupid, defiant or just not caring. I have been guilty of all of those things. While I wasn't capable of changing before, it is now time to do what I have refused to think about and work on.

What I have, I care about too much ~ it is too important to screw up.

Like the Red Panda

2008-05-27T21:40:00.000-06:00

"I told her, 'You know what? You're like the Red Panda. Tomorrow everybody will be staring at the crowd and looking for you and you won't even be there.'"

When the days flow together and the sadness of loss becomes overwhelming, the thoughts of leaving all the drama, headache and emotional intensity of the life I lead behind intensify. To go somewhere, even for a little while, where no one expects anything and I am free to do what I please, sounds so nice.

I am realizing responsibilities that arise out of mistakes, of escaping one situation and finding yourself, as if in a dream, right in the middle of another, are beyond comprehension.

When I was younger, I used to ask questions about why things were the way they were. And then I would ask why, were those things the way they were. And I always got answers, which made perfect sense according to where I was at that time. As I grow older, I realize that many of those answers were falss, but gave me hope and the ability to act, instead of being rendered helpless ~ weighed down by the baggage of life in general.

And yet, every day, I cannot help but look for things, people, actions, etc that give true meaning to what I struggle with. And that keeps me here.

Gross, But I'd Eat It

2008-05-12T13:45:00.000-06:00

I'm not really a big junk food person. I used to really really like sour candy and those fried mushrooms from Dairy Queen. Now, my biggest craving in that regard is hot wings. I love them and regret that Mojo's, the local hot wing joint in my hometown won't be open when I'm back this summer.

Anyway, I read this blog called Cooked Books. http://cookedbooks.blogspot.com/

It is about "all things culinary at the New York Public Library."

Anyway, the author writes about a fast-food chain I'd never heard about ~ Friendly's. http://www.friendlys.com/

The reason I'd never heard about it is that the closest location is in north-central Ohio.

However, they do have this ~ which is unique and slightly disgusting: the Fishamajig.

It is exactly what it looks like, a grilled cheese sandwich with mayo and breaded fish. MMMM.

In other news, this month is full of some pretty exciting changes, events etc. E is done with school until the fall, his friend Abby is coming out to visit, my friend Maelynn is coming out to visit, the kitchen at work has closed and is being remodeled...there's a new apartment in an entirely different part of town (a lot closer to work, which is nice) and more stuff that you'll have to contact me to find out. =)

Rats Are Good Pets, But Not Like This

2008-04-28T13:21:00.001-06:00

Just taking a short break from work....yesterday was moving day (love the new apartment, its so much better than Aero Flats) and theres still a ton to do before the kitchen here at S'wood closes for remodeling...I get to power-wash again, which I swore I'd never do after my adventures as an intern at SP.

Anyway, I just came across this article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24317073/?GT1=43001

Basically, the lady had purchased rats, intending them for snake food. Maybe she had problems going through with this. Anyway, the rats overran her house, were "rescued" and now are going to be given/sold as pets. The rats would not survive in the wild because the lady fed them cat food.

I love rats. I have had them for over 7 years now and they are really good pets, as is mentioned in the article. However, I'm not sure these rescue rats would be suitable for pets. They've basically been running wild, for their entire lives and are probably not used to human contact or interaction of any kind. They did find 10 babies, which probably have the best chance of being good pets.

My dad had a rat named Violet who was a rescue from the Humane Society. She would run out of her hiding places to try to bite you. These rats, more than likely, will be just like Violet.

I'm afraid that the people who adopt these rats will probably either feed them to snakes or let them go into the wild when it becomes apparent they won't work as pets.

My suggestion, while not cost-effective or efficient, is to spay or neuter each rat and let them live in a colony of sorts. Have the lady who let them breed uncontrollably pay for this, or for them to be humanely euthanized. Don't make one person's negligence a bunch of rat owners problem.

Black Honey Deeps

2008-04-15T15:33:00.000-06:00

I try not to be materialistic. But I love art and I love color and texture of all kinds.
So colorful makeup, (especially when it is limited edition, no longer available in stores and sold for a semi-reasonable price on eBay) rocks my world a teensy bit.

The old Emily would've snapped one of these babies up, no problem, but I'm going to resist. I need to save. Hopefully posting this here will help get the Clinique Black Honey Deeps Limited Edition Set out of my system.

Not Really Political

2008-04-02T19:23:00.001-06:00

I am registered to vote. I didn't really do this on purpose, it was a question they asked me when I was at the DMV. It was actually the best part of being at the DMV that day. Anyway, so I'll do that. I'll pay attention when the Democratic National Convention is here in August. But otherwise...I usually skip those articles.

But, I've always been intrigued by Cuba. I've seen the country from a mile away and it looked rugged and nice. We weren't allowed to get closer than that. Because of the embargo, that country has always been kind of mysterious, kind of intriguing. One place that Anthony Bourdain on No Reservations couldn't go. They have mostly-male supper clubs, with fascinating cuisine....

Anyway, with the new leader, this might be the first foreign country I make it to. Probably not though, because this article sounds hopeful. A lot of changes need to be made, though.

www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/americas/04/02/cuba.freedoms/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

Why I Couldn't be a Vegan, Part II

2008-03-27T21:04:00.000-06:00

Textured Vegetable Protein (TVP)...you could use this as packing material if it was wet and in large pieces. It just doesn't seem natural. The sad thing is that if you added enough spices, a pretty delicious equivalent to Sloppy Joes could be made.

I really think that using fake "cheez" to duplicate macaroni and cheese is wrong. Its not real food, and I have more of a problem with preservatives and additives than a piece of beef.
If you want to be vegan, get rid of all the dishes you want to copy that have meat in them and decide you want to create really great food that doesn't need a meat substitute. Don't get me wrong, there are wonderful entrees that have tempeh/tofu/beans, etc in them that have merit on their own accord.
I just found a chile-beer marinade for a vegan dish that would be great for meat..maybe there is a double-standard here.

Whenever I think about food for too long, at least in a practical sense, I think of the store where got started in this industry. The older I am, the more I work with people, (to be honest, I didn't have to deal with many strangers/customers/guests before I turned 24), ]the more I realize that that place was flawed. They didn't treat people in a way that made them feel comfortable, unless they were regulars, meaning people who spent a lot of time and/or money. In fact, a lot of the time I felt really uncomfortable and forced to fit into a mold based on who they thought I was.

I'll stop now. I don't miss the place, meaning the city, I miss the lifestyle. And that is shallow, but honest.

Why I Couldn't Be a Vegan

2008-03-25T22:36:00.001-06:00

So I got this vegan cookbook from the library called Veganomicon, by Isa Chandra Moskowitz. I'm gonna ask for it for my birthday because I think a reduced amount of animal products is really healthy. I'll never stop eating meat because of the enjoyment factor....could never give up seafood and sushi.
Anyway, I tried a recipe with agave nectar in place of a refined sugar or honey (which isn't vegan) and really really didn't like it. I don't mind foods that taste fake..Diet Coke, which is alright or pretty good, depending on my mood and Splenda, which I deal with when there's no alternative.

Agave Nectar tastes fake and is real. This I have a problem with. Take some honey, add water until its really runny and add a slight bit of lemon. There you go.

In Case You've Lost Faith...

2008-03-19T22:09:00.000-06:00

Weezer's Rivers Cuomo released a solo album back in December...I either overlooked it as crap or just didn't pay attention, can't remember. Its pretty good stuff. The video for Lover in the Snow kind of reinforced my opinion that Rivers is a big...jerk.

Maybe these are the beginnings of me seeing Weezer like I did back in 1999. That was a good year. 2006 was better ( not for them, for me).

I digress. Check it out. I'm not actually paying any money for it. Made that mistake with Maladroit. I'm going to have to hear the 6th album in its entirety (when its released in June 2008) and then might, maybe, perhaps I'll purchase it.

Here I Am, Rock my Bracket like a Hurricane

2008-03-16T22:47:00.000-06:00

Its March Madness! My favorite time, other than my birthday, and...Fridays, in that order. I love it because it sneaks up on you. After Valentine's Day (which, I'm sorry, is Hallmarktastic) a few months until Memorial Day and then approximately 35 days until my birthday, I don't have a lot to look forward to. Unless you count moving and no vacation until September.
And then, all of a sudden, there is Bracketology, conference tournaments and chances for thousands of dollars that you and I, quite frankly, have a snowball's chance in hell of winning. But just the games, the times when you can watch to see if your team or that Cinderella (Georgia, Drake and UMBC, in that order) can pull out a victory, are worth it.

It brings me back to the days when my mom and dad would post a wall-sized bracket on the closet door and fill it out as the games were played. We'd watch the Big 8, and now Big 12 tournament and cheer for KU every step of the way. So there is a certain amount of nostalgia and family ties that go into this.

All I'm going to say is this: If you have no idea who a team is, you've never watched their opponents and aren't even sure who their best player is, please do not put any money on this team. I don't even care of your best friend's uncle the bookie says to. Just don't. Its March Madness and anything can happen.

except if this team is Kansas. You should put all your money on Kansas.

Portmanteau

2008-03-13T21:42:00.000-06:00

I guess i could say, "Its been awhile since I posted a word of the day" but instead I'm going to just post one without further discussion.

Portmanteau. noun. plural: portmanteaux. A a word that fuses two or more words or word parts to give a combined or loaded new meaning.

I think my dad said this word to me. It seems familiar. He also taught me quite a few words throughout the course of casual conversation that I will maybe list here.

A portmanteau you might be familiar with: spork. Not a spoon. Not a fork. But something different. And when I got them from KFC, less useful.

I looked up the word blaxploitation, when it came up on Wikipedia regarding an ODB song. The song itself came from a movie of said genre.

Blaxploitation is an portmanteau of "black" and "exploitation" and refers to movies set in the early 1970s, usually in the ghetto and dealing with pimps, drug dealers, Afros and/or SHAFT.

A Hat

2008-03-04T14:33:00.000-07:00

I'm not really big into hats, unless its cold outside. However, when I saw this jewel, I had an intense urge to purchase it.

I resisted the temptation but wouldn't that be a lovely accessory to a certain ivory dress??

Back Again

2008-02-06T21:43:00.000-07:00

So I realize that I left things a bit heavy. Which was not my intent. My easygoing pace of life just doesn't let me focus on the negative and heavy for too long. I'm excited about where I'm going to go, what I'm going to do. I look back on the last few years and think, WOW, I could be living bored right now, unhappy and trapped.
Instead, I'm right where I want to be. There's a certain contentment, certain peace of mind that comes with taking risks, dealing with what happens and knowing you made the right choices (ok, maybe 85% right).

Right now I'm looking forward to taking the exam to become a Certified Dietary Manager. But right this second I just want it to be warm. Something above 50 degrees, a lot of sun and not much wind.

Never a Consideration

2008-02-04T21:28:00.000-07:00

In the last few weeks, I've gone through quite a bit. Only 5 or so people know exactly what has happened, and as much as shouting my predicaments from the rooftop might be therapeutic, its just not going to happen. You have to just trust me when I say that getting divorced was small potatoes (and quite a bit easier) than what I'm dealing with.

The coolest thing is, after about a week, I'm totally at peace with it all. Everything was completely my fault, which makes it easier in a way. Many people can get away with their mistakes; I cannot.

Even though there are a lot of people around to support me, there is a certain amount of loneliness that comes with the uncertain and inevitable. At the end of the day, as my mother once said, you have to take care of yourself. And sometimes that just means taking it one day at a time.

This song is on a commercial...it makes me happy...enjoy!

Sara Bareilles Love Song Lyrics

Thoughts While At Work On A Sunday

2008-01-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

The stock show is in town, which means there are more trailers, trucks and livestock on I-70 than usual. It also means that traffic is slow at really weird times. But this all makes sense ~ especially if you've ever been to a county fair.

What I find unusual is the Martin Luther King rodeo held tomorrow in conjunction with the stock show. I know when I think of racial equality, I think of cattle being roped and scary rodeo clowns.

The world's first antidepressant perfume came out recently. Its called Smiley (not making this up) and is designed to be uplifting. A picture of it is above. Notes include: Top notes of bergamot, orange and pimento berry ( instant picker-uppers and energizers). Middle notes of cocoa, praline and curacao "provide the joy" ... theobromine and phenyethylamine from cacao have an endorphin effect similar to eating chocolate. Bottom notes are patchouli, myrrh and musk. Unfortunately its not available in the United States ~ I would try it out at the local Sephora if it was.

I'm at work for a 1/2 day today because I'm manager on duty. This means I take care of anything that other senior staff would, but can't because they aren't here. I gave a tour, called maintenance and heard the nurses gripe.

Later today my mom is coming. I'm not sure what we're going to do. I get tomorrow (mostly) off because of manager-on-duty this weekend and its the "soft" opening of Indulge French Bistro, a really nice little place that E is helping to get running. I'm really excited about her being here and having what is going to be a really amazing meal.

a quote to reflect on

2008-01-11T15:15:00.001-07:00

Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past.
~Henry Ward Beecher

Hello 2008

2008-01-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

I think a lot of my life can be summed up by this great quote by the actor Steve Martin. I've changed it only to reflect present tense.

"Yes, these events are true, yet sometimes they seemed to have happened to someone else, and I often feel like a curious onlooker or someone trying to remember a dream. "

I was asked yesterday what my resolutions are and I responded that I want to make sure that they can be followed through on before making them known. Today I realize that there is no other option ~ to grow and become better, I need to have courage in every aspect of my life, to have wisdom to know what needs to be changed and the ability to follow through. The hardest part about this (almost overwhelming) resolution is that I can't do it alone. It is so much easier to rely solely on yourself and then, when failure occurs, to say well, I did my best.

A lot of life isn't about doing your best. It is picking up the pieces in whatever arrangement they fall in and putting them together again. Most times, the new configuration is better, or at least better suited to the new circumstances. You can't put a square peg into a round hole. =)

Both great and terrible happened in 2007. Much of it was because of choices I made. What I learned: you can't control other people ~ their decisions, their opinions, their ideas about what needs to occur. The people you need in your life are the ones who let you be yourself, who will be honest but also understanding.

I also learned: to lead others; that growth is painful and change inevitable, pain doesn't come with a timeline, jealousy is my Achilles heel, its ok to be alone but I'm not designed to be like that.

I'll keep you updated...hold me to my resolution!

Bleeding of Me

2007-12-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

Apparently there are some people who pass out at the sight of a traumatic wound...some people pass out when they see someone else in pain/bleeding. I just pass out when I see myself bleeding. It has to be a particularly bad wound, or a fairly insignificant one with a lot of stress involved...its embarrassing but not anything can be done about it, according to the doctor.

My dad is right ~ I probably shouldn't use knives or anything sharp. I'm in a profession that demands it though, and I have gotten a lot better at being safe, concentrating and making sure that I know what I'm doing.

I can't wait for Christmas. It will be my first in "the fatherland" and I'm realizing how many people really care about me ~ at work, in my extended family and those I've just known a short time. There's a lot to be done before we leave next Thursday but the time will go quickly and I'm going to have fun.

Tonight is the apartment complex Christmas party and Monday all the dept heads are going out to lunch somewhere semi-swank. We get the rest of that day off. I just have to make sure that the food order is mostly done tomorrow so I can fully enjoy it.

Already, in my mind at least, planning trips...to Dallas to see my bro's new place, back to Kansas for my cousin's wedding...this won't be until next year, but still. For once, things are changing and its not traumatic for me!

Baby fever. Never truly understood it until recently.

Just Tired

2007-11-14T21:31:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I can't do what I intend to do. I intend in trying to before I post again. Right after I posted this I thought, this is stupid, I'm being silly. But then I let it sit for a few minutes before writing anything else...just gathering things together, I guess. I thought about what 'rini and i talked about before...she's so awesome, I love her, two doctors, WOW!

I realize I'm fortunate for everything I have and will have in this life...just because of who I know, have known and will know...I just want to do my best and it stresses me out. I should be thinking about people at the end of their life; making everything the best I can for those I'm resposible for...its a lot of weight to bear as I walk out of the building everyday.

I realize I spent tooo much time thinking about semesters eand too little time thinking about people. We're going to a new church on Sunday and I'm going to refocus; spend most of my time concentrating on where I want to be.

When I think about living in Indiana, going to New Harmony, having kids, doing the best I can with what I have...I don't miss it. It makes me wistful, but also realistic...that wouldn't last long, for sure, my life would be short and sore, sad and I would report it as good.

I love you Grammy. I realize now how hard life is without someone you love so much. I just keep moving on...someday I will have a marriage like yours.

More Things, Maybe up to 20

2007-11-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

1. I heard an En Vogue song today and I remembered how much I loved that group of ladies.
2. Whenever I think of something I haven't come across lately (like En Vogue for example), I wonder what they are doing now and if the aftermath of fame treated them alright.
3. It costs a lot more to live in Denver than in Indiana. How can it be less $$ to pay a mortgage but much more worth it to rent?
4. I think I've really gotten as stressed as I can possibly be for the holidays already and Thanksgiving isn't for another 2 weeks. I'm just going to chill and be relaxed...I think E (and the rats) like me better this way.
5. That movie with Michael Keaton--Multiplicity...or something like that, where the clones get dumber the more copied they are, reminds me of people at work. I think some of these people are clones of clones.
6. Sometime I'm going to ask someone what it was like being a man and how they like their new life as a woman.
7. I worry sometimes that I could lose the ability to keep what I say in my head from coming out of my mouth, resulting in something like #6 being said.
8. I think sometimes I say I'm bad with names because unless I really want to remember, I don't. Its just not something that sticks in my head without making a conscious effort.
9. I with there was an indoor amusement park close by. I don't even know if those exist in the United States unless you count Camp Snoopy at the Mall of America. I don't. I could really go for a nice ride on the Tilt-a-Whirl or Octopus right now.
10. Maybe the Office will be on TV forever. I know that forever is a long time, but it could be the first neverending show. I would settle for it being on as long as Cheers.
11. I can't get to 20 today. I need to do paperwork.

Understanding

2007-10-30T21:55:00.000-06:00

I believe that everything happens for a reason...maybe not for anything significant (at least that we can figure out) but still, a reason. I think I work in a nursing home because of my confusion related to death. This will sound strange, but until I started working in long-term care, I was never able to figure out death. I understand that a body only lasts for so long, that the mind wears out, but I'd never been around someone going through that. It just seemed to me that death was like going away...I've only seen one dead person, ever, and at funerals prefer to think that they were just away for an extended period of time.

When someone dies, you have to make peace with what you thought of them and who they were to you. This is difficult when you have very little experience creating closure with those who are alive when they leave. I have found that it is easier to do this on a smaller scale, with people you hardly knew, and transitioning eventually to those who mean the world to you.

It still doesn't seem like Grandad is gone. And because of the bizarre way I relate to the difficult and uncomfortable, I honestly wouldn't be shocked if I saw him at Thanksgiving...I'd just ask him where he went and how the weather was. I know this isn't going to happen, but it is still my way of viewing death.

Lucky #13, (random things about me)

2007-10-19T09:19:00.000-06:00

1. I think that getting older is more about attitude and adjusting than anything else.
2. A nice comfy t-shirt and jeans represents my personality.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. It also raises your blood pressure and will end up hurting you, not them.
4. Regrets are a waste of time unless you learn from them and are able to not make the same mistake again.
5. You know the saying, you have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to? Maybe the illusion of self-love can be good enough.
6. I'm picky about friendship...its dangerous to be close to people only out for themselves.
7. I've never thought of myself as a risk-taker but according to Dad I am and compared to some of my family I'm freakin' Evil Knievel.
8. Is it wrong to do things just because the retelling of it will make a great story?
9. A lot of life is boring. Some of life is dramatic. You can change the balance but make sure you're able to deal with what you get.
10. I wish I had a Delorean that was able to time travel. I'd run into my future or past self and probably have no idea it was me..."dude that girl looks just like me and has the same clothes..."

11. Its really hard to know what to compromise on and what to let go...I have to say, is this really important to me?
12. So communication is hard for me, especially when you don't know how it will affect the other person, (who you care about or wouldn't be making this effort in the first place), so sometimes I have to take approx. 30 seconds of silence and figure out what to say.
13. #12 makes me feel slightly mentally-handicapped

We're Goin' Home Loki

2007-10-17T00:20:00.000-06:00

"We've paid our debt. Don't you think it's time... Don't you think it's time we went home? And to do that... I... I think we may have to dispatch our-our would be dispatchers."

I freakin' love Dogma.

My other favorite quote:
"Your hard-on for smiting has prevented us from negotiating what ought to be the relatively simple matter of catching or staying on a bus."

Clerks and Chasing Amy rock the house, but Dogma has Matt Damon in it. As a fallen angel. I've always wanted to play hockey on a roof though. Chasing Amy has Joey Lauren Adams.
We'll call it a 3-way tie.

The day after tomorrow, partypartyparty. No specific plans other than seeing the family, drinking Octoberfest and lots and lots of food.

One Day at a Time

2007-10-02T11:20:00.001-06:00

My head's been messing with me for awhile now...theres quite a bit of repetition at my work so the days sometimes get mixed up. Being in charge of people and dealing with their problems and the stress of running a kitchen...I guess I see life as a series of starts and stops, beginnings and endings, and I'm in a very fluid place. Something to look forward to ~ going to Kansas, everyone meeting E, seeing M. and my other friends again. I think, then what, what do I do to always be interested in life, to plan and grow as a person?

Spanish lessons - start Oct. 12th
Leadership class (for work) - Nov. 2

I'm really looking forward to this Friday though, Cymbalta hopefully and then Oktoberfest!

Robbery courtesy of Wal-Mart

2007-09-12T21:35:00.000-06:00

You probably don't know how into Georgia O'Keeffe and her artwork I am...but its true. I was moved to tears by her museum and can't wait to go again. So I'm opinionated about this news article involving the artwork above.
Basically, the "Radiator Building — Night, New York" was given to Fisk University (an historically black school in Nashville) by Georgia O'Keeffe's husband's estate as a gift. Part of the terms of the gift were, as I understand it, that the artwork be shown at all times. The O'Keeffe Museum sued the The University for violating this term after Fisk reneged on their agreement to sell the painting, as well as rest of the 4-piece collection, for $7.5 million.

Why? They got a better deal, courtesy of Wal-Mart. http://www.santafenewmexican.com/news/68289.html

The End of the Beginning

2007-08-12T23:13:00.000-06:00

So I'm starting the last week of my "experiential learning" at St. Paul Health Center. I've had an amazing time ~ learned so much more about a different aspect of food service; one that fits me really well. I'm able to clinically chart on medical records about food habits and diet-related ailments, relate to the elderly/disabled/handicapped (I was pretty good at faking it before) and be assertive (I wasn't very good at faking that before).

And now I'm preparing for the possibility of being a food service director at a long-term health facility. A leader, someone in charge. I'd never considered this kind of role for myself before.
I'm really open to every kind of challenge and difficulty...I don't welcome it, by any stretch, but am confident knowing that I could do my best and probably succeed.

On the downside, I'm avoiding two very important people in my life who I need to talk to and be open with. Its not going to be comfortable and I'm just so tired of crying. But I'll feel better after I do. Just have to take a deep breath and make the call.

Not Playing Nice

2007-07-25T09:31:00.001-06:00

I'm a big fan of standup comedy. Especially creative ones who draw on life experiences rather than stereotypes. With some exceptions, of course. I'd heard of Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, etc. but the first I remember hearing was the infamous Martin Lawrence Saturday Night Live opening monologue. You know, the one so raunchy and gross that got him banned forever from the show.
I saw that with my Dad. It was like a trainwreck. We sat, transfixed by our embarrassment and disbelief.
Wait, before that was Jeff Foxworthy. I think. The timelines get kind of blurry. You know, blah blah blah "You might be a redneck."
I'm using that format to describe a pet peeve of mine.

When a girl, two girls, or even 3 are out having a good time, this is not an invitation for guys to come up, sit down and strike up a conversation. I'm not saying you can't say hello, offer a flattering remark or two, but chances are, you are not welcome to sit down.

Even more annoying is the often-presumed fact that the girl or girls in question would like your phone number. How do you know that she is, first of all, single and second of all, heterosexual and third of all, even interested?

I know the following isn't nice. But it is true, and makes me giggle a little.

If you have teeth that would make someone from Great Britain cringe..."she's probably not interested."
If you talk repeatedly about things in your life you would like to change, your clothes, ex-girlfriend, or your mother..."she's probably not interested."
If you lie about your age (especially if she finds out by asking your 'wingman', ''she's probably not interested."
If you try to act like you know about her career and have no freaking clue what you're talking about...yeah. Definitely not interested.

I could go on about racial slurs, ignorance in general, etc. but you get the idea. Some girls are polite enough to take your number and quietly throw it away. I really think that the best thing to do is to cut them off before it gets to that point. For example, when they sit down, do not accept a drink, say you'd prefer to be by yourself/with friends and if all else fails, move or leave as quickly as possible.

I undestand that most girls know these suggestion and have put them into practice many times. I'm assuming that there are those out there who are as naive as I am, or was and were under the impression that just ignoring the guy in question would be enough.

Age Ain't But a Number

2007-07-05T12:43:00.000-06:00

So yesterday I turned 26. I didn't fightor dwell on it as much as I pretended to. I've already started to make some really big changes ~ personal and professional, private and public.

Life at Aero Flats is really close to perfection.

The more outgoing and personable that I'm becoming, the more I just want those closest to me to know what I'm really like.

People judge. I try not to do this. There's really no way to ever know the full story and its usually better that you don't.

Shaving legs is one of the services CNAs at the Health Center don't provide. I think that if I was ever placed in one of these homes I would explore as much as possible. There is a Wii, and free internet access and someone to do your hair and pretty much whatever you want to eat, whenever. I think just being here makes a lot of the residents really sad and/or angry.

Thoreau said, "To regret deeply is to live afresh." I agree with this but only if you are able to get over the guilt that often comes with regret. One of the things I regret is often taking the easy path, only to deal with something much more difficult down the road. Sometimes due to laziness, sometimes because of a lack of forethought and a lot of impulsiveness.

Living the right way at the right time, completely.

Experiential Learning

2007-06-07T19:29:00.000-06:00

Monday was paperwork and a tour of the St. Paul Health Center kitchen. The last 3 days have been work from 5 am to 11 am or so, doing bakery and a.m. cook rotations. Tomorrow is my last day with Adriana, cooking for breakfast and lunch.
Honestly, its really difficult. Not the work, getting out of bed at 4:15 in the morning. My biorhythm just doesn't work like that. Next week I have 2 days each of starting at 6 am and 7 am which make me even more thankful for living close by.

I've really enjoyed living with Meredith and my little room in the basement. It will be good to move to a place with amenities including more privacy, a pool, a killer exercise room...and still a great location.

Rancho Liberio is my favorite new culinary find ~ a Hispanic supermarket with a great selection of produce, dried peppers, tortillas, 'underutilized' cuts of meat, amazing salsa, etc. Its very inexpensive and I'm not sure why. Maybe they bypass distributors. Definitely going to go there again and again.

My life as next-to-zero drama for the first time in years. Its strange but I am getting used to it.

Back to Basics

2007-05-21T23:11:00.000-06:00

As I lay here, late on a Monday night in my mother's house, I can't believe how fast time has gone and where I am. I have achieved and lost much in a very short time. I'm happy to be in Denver but am enjoying this week in Lawrence. Driving around town was total sensory overload ~ I got so many snapshots of my life here all at once. It was like pressing fast-forward on a kaleidescope.

I've already been asked, and know my Grammy will ask as well, what I'm doing after I'm done with my co-op in August.
I really don't know but am just so glad I have June and July figured out, you know?

Tonight was great. I felt really weird and emotional but at home with Kristen and Jo. Now that school is over, I'm going to make staying in contact with friends and family more of a priority. Especially with you, M. Evansville was so much better after we re-met!

So tomorrow is going to be about sleeping, working out, reading, enjoying. I got the Green Van which also brought me back, oh about 10 years. Can't knock the hustle.

I know its probably out of the realm of possibility but Bell's would be the perfect way to end this trip and begin the loooong drive way back home. For some reason, I remembered how great Larry and Wendy's Wedding Ale was...maybe they have some bottled in the cellar.

I'm equally excited and scared about the future, but find solace in the fact that I won't ever be alone. Being lonely isn't necessarily a bad thing ~ sometimes it helps you reconnect with yourself; listen to what you've been trying to ignore, deal with the previously untouchable.

Long Time Coming

2007-04-24T13:56:00.000-06:00

A lot has changed since I posted last. I moved to Denver, have a roommate named Meredith and a part-time dog named Caleb. He's not mine, but seems to be ok with me. Of all the Boxers I've known, he's the sweetest and least neurotic. I've survived Classical French Cuisine, Advanced Dining Room (and all the accompanying wine tasting at 8 am) and am loving International Cuisine. The biggest events coming up are graduation and co-op (internship).

I'm realizing that life can be hard or easy, depending on the choices you make. My parents tried really hard to make everything great and hide the consequences that came from say, not driving the best, not being with the right people and sneaking ancient liquor. I don't want to name names, (they tried valiantly, at times) but the substitutes I found for my parents were mediocre, at best. I'm really glad to now be "doing life" on my own. Not entirely, of course, but it feels good to know that my choices are my own and the results are equally mine. I chose to be here ~ in Denver, on Leyden Street, in culinary school.

Not everyone will agree with the choices I've made and will continue to make and I realize that. I hope there will be support though ~ I need that more than ever.

A new song

2007-03-14T20:01:00.000-06:00

One of my best friends is going to a wedding on Saturday ~ her ex-boyfriend (they dated for 5 years) and his fiancee are getting married. Even though I never really liked...let's call him Shane...I think its cool that she's going to be there. Just to know that its real, like she says. I wish I could be there to go with her, or at least go out and talk after she's been so brave.

So tomorrow is the end of the Garde Manger segment. I've heard people talk about how they love being so creative and learning so much. I mostly agree ~ the food is gorgeous but no one (except for those like me, who automatically see a pretty terrine and think, "ooooh I bet that tastes good") really eats it. The labor part of it is really getting me ready for this summer, when I'll be on my feet for 8 hours.

What's coming up....
*Tomorrow (Thurs) is the first day of the NCAA Basketball Tournament, AKA the year KU surprises everyone by me, my Dad and other diehard Jayhawk fans....
*Friday I'm checking out apartments/rooms close to school. I'm excited but very very nervous.
*Saturday = St. Patrick's Day and hopefully more craziness than I've been part of in a long time.
*Monday is last day of GM and time to take a breath before French Classical cuisine

WotD

2007-02-17T20:29:00.000-07:00

Word of the Day! Depuration - the removal of impurities from the body, such as xenobiotics. Xenobiotic is a fancy word for a chemical that isn't supposed to be found; its not normally produced.
Ex. My liver is utilizing depuration in relation to the antibiotics I'm taking for pneumonia.
Don't you feel smarter now?

Depuration is also a beer produced by Russian River Brewing. It is "a Blonde Ale aged in French oak Chardonnay barrels with white wine grapes for one year with three strains of Brettanomyces, Lactobacillus, & Pediococcus (yeast)."
I'd love to try it!

V-Day + Other Schtuf

2007-02-15T20:57:00.001-07:00

Going to the KU/CU game rocked. It was awesome to see just as many, and at times a lot more, Kansas fans than Colorado. Highlights...
the 3 KU kids on the front row, right in front of the CU student section...the fact that they sell beer at the arena....the stupid signs trying to make fun of Kansas..

I think that Kaun (as in the KU center, Sasha) in Russian means either "hands like rocks" or "surprisingly athletic" depending on your voice inflection.

These next few days are going to be difficult. I feel really gross ~ half the time I'm hacking up a lung ~ and its just hard to concentrate anyway. Spring fever, spring fever!
There's a guy in my meatcutting class who is trying to get through it for the 3rd time. Someone commented, "I think I'd just give up." Yeah. Once is hard enough.

Saturday is Frasca night...I might take pics of all the lovely charcuterie and do a little write-up. There are seats open for walk-ins...the only reservation was available at 10:30. I'm just so psyched to go! Having something to look forward to is so important, you know? Even if its just a kick-ass dinner and a night on the town.

The Chinese New Year cake (Nian Gao) turned out really well. Red bean paste definitely tastes better than it sounds.

Spring Break Plans

2007-02-12T21:59:00.000-07:00

They aren't much, but I'll be in L-town late Thursday the 22nd - late afternoon Sunday the 25th. Definitely looking forward to it.
On my to-do list:

1. Hang out with Wenjun and Jo
2. Go to Free State at least once
3. See KU beat Iowa State...in person
4. Have lunch or dinner with Mom at the former Westside Deli
5. Try to get Dad to play beer pong again.
6. Make dinner with Peggy
7. Sleep a lot.

Meatcutting isn't one of my strengths. Its weird ~ I have this expectation that I'll be good at anything involving hand-eye coordination. And it just doesn't happen. Chef's nice though. And we're eating International Cuisine at our leisure. I'll eat whatever Timmy (he's at Rioja...my Restaurant Week destination) makes. 1 day down, 8 to go...

I Am Like Buddy Holly

2007-02-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

So i'm a nerd, but I'm cool. I was told this a few days ago, and after I got used to it, kinda agree.
In the last 2 days, I've gone to an asian market. And babysat 3 kids under the age of 5, simultaneously. I was not at the market with the kids though. The experience would've been very surreal and pretty awful, I think.
I got some amazing "gourmet" ramen from the market, and was able to spend some time with Elaine from class. Its so much better than anything Evansville had, in terms of ingredients...I think I could make any recipe from Asia if I knew how to obtain it...I know it would be at the market, the problem would be knowing how to identify the item and know how to ask for it.

Next week there's a Chinese New Year party at Noi's...I'm making an authentic cake. I'm glad I knew what ingredients to get, because the English translations = not the same.
Here are pics of the kids I babysat..two of them anyway. Maximilian and Eva...

Its That Time Again

2007-01-29T21:05:00.000-07:00

The Super Bowl, followed by Valentine's Day. I hope the Colts win. They deserve it. I don't hate Da Bears though. You can't, what with the Superfans and all.
I couldn't find any of the other SNL segments but this one is pretty funny.

I don't usually think about V-Day until a few days before, but I've been shopping more than usual and have kinda gotten in the spirit. As much as you really can with a made-up holiday. I'll be spending the 14th at school and at the KU game in Boulder. I've never been to a basketball game at another Big 12 school before. The seats are decent and there will be a ton of Jayhawk fans.

I'm really looking forward to the end of the month. Spring Break, Restaurant Week...its going to be an amazing time.

This Sunday, though...if you have any amazing snack recipes, send them to me. I'm going to at least make or get wings. Probably more delish goodies too.

Creme Brulee and Caroline

2007-01-24T20:30:00.000-07:00

Caroline Elizabeth Barron was born on Tuesday....a couple weeks early. Isn't she gorgeous?? I can't wait to meet her!

Today was the last day of Food Service Production and when Labato found out I had a culinary torch, we were automatically making creme brulee. We flavored it with just a touch of lemon & cinnamon and a ton of vanilla. He's really into making garnishes and making things look pretty in general (we had a discussion about best brands of cosmetics too, but that's a different story) so when i was done with getting the custard *just right* he was all about the teardrop apple cutouts and the caramelized sugar. Using the torch was fun. I know he took a photo or 2 and I'll be sure to post it.
Tomorrow is Store Room and then Meatcutting and then Spring break..the last day of class is Feb 22nd. So its more like Late Winter Break. I don't really have a lot of plans other than getting my summer externship lined up and going skiing with Maelynn, who HAS to come out here.

Been Awhile

2007-01-13T21:35:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've not posted since last year...sometimes words just fail me, you know? I'm pretty sure that I've broken every resolution that I wrote here so far (AND the ones I didn't write down, like not going to Starbucks). But that's ok.

School...Nutrition and Culinary Analysis rocked, and I'm in Foodservice Production now. Basically, the former dealt with poaching and steaming and the latter with baking, pan-frying and saute. Each chef is completely different from the next and I love learning what makes each one unique.

So tonight I was going to take Maxmillian and Jon to see their first movie (their mom, Elisa is the sis of my best pal, Maelynn). I love those little guys! Charlotte's Web wasn't playing so I got them way overpriced ice cream at the theater and got to see them be mesmerized by the lights, constant conflicting noise and all the people. I love kids.

Resolution?

2006-12-29T01:12:00.000-07:00

So I've been asked, mainly by Wenjun what my New Year's resolution is. I tried writing down a list of them one year, but have decided that having just one or two is the way to go.

1) Not be a doormat for anyone, anytime. This means lying to make people feel better, letting people say things they shouldn't just because "that's the way they are," etc.

2) Not relying on anyone else to be happy. I've not totally thought this one out yet.

So Excited

2006-12-28T01:59:00.000-07:00

Today is my sister's 21st birthday! I'm having so much fun hanging out with 'rini and Er. Tomorrow is beer pong on Peggy's dining room table (thanks!) and Little Miss Sunshine and BEER. Tonight is less beer and a lot of Ricky Bobby, spaghetti and presents.
I used to have a hard time sleeping through the night before Christmas. I kinda wish I could experience that feeling again ~ waking up and having the greatest surprises of your life up to that point.
Everything is just so amazing and wonderful right now...I miss school though.

Snowed In

2006-12-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how many inches of snow we have right now. Not as many as the 'ville got way back in '03...the timing is almost the same though. If the situation was different (in terms of travel), I'd be really upset. The plan is still to be with Sir and Connie by late afternoon Friday. I can't wait to hang out with Maelynn and Zac!

As I was telling 'rini, I love warmth and the sun, in particular, for just this reason. Clouds produce snow and hardship while blue skies...don't. Sure, there's something called "skin cancer" but that never caused my friend Matt to miss Christmas with his family.

She don't like, she don't like...Cocaine

2006-12-17T21:50:00.000-07:00

I'm not a big fan of Year-in-Summary articles...I like fresh, new, interesting tidbits. But the chow.com The Year in Food review was good. I had read/heard about most of what was talked about, except for this interesting beverage:

Just seeing it at the grocery, you would never think it was different from any other energy drink. Although if I saw one called Indiana Meth I would probably take notice.
Apparently, the "high" hits within five minutes and the caffeine rush comes 15 min., later. Its also 350% stronger than Red Bull and has bizarre tongue-numbing effects. Interesting. If I need to drive anywhere, this is what I'm going to take with me. As long as what they promise (that you don't crash) is true. I always get so tired driving...

Three-Month-Crazy Rule

2006-12-12T20:39:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who swears that girls he's dated tend to get crazy three months into a relationship with him. I'm not exactly sure what that says about him, but I can understand when it comes to me and school. I thought about blaming it on being burned out, but that doesn't make sense...I'm just definitely feeling kinda crazed right now.

All I can say is, 6 more days of school until break. Then it's onto the 'ville for a few days and then to Lawrence. I can't wait.
My brother graduates on Saturday. I wish I could be in the ATL, but he needs to know that I'm with him in spirit. He's incredibly brilliant and I'm so proud of him. Congrats Er! Give me your Xmas list soon, ok??!

Buying Toys for Three Year Olds

2006-12-03T15:51:00.000-07:00

One of my best friend's nephews turned 3 recently and I had the hardest time figuring out what to get him. Jon's a rough-and-tumble little guy, one of those kids who runs around crashing into everything. I first got a little learning computer, which would've been great had it been for his big brother. So I settled on a "big kids" tool kit. I told the Mom that it had a box cutter and scissors, before I got it and everything seemed to be cool.

It was Jon's favorite gift. He'll learn a ton, and will grow into it.
I probably should've gotten something else. We'll see though. Hopefully his parents have a good hiding place.

Jason is dying. Dealing with the loss of rats never gets any easier. I'll cry a little and will remember how awesome he was. Just like his Dad.

Days Go By

2006-11-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

Today was the first of Intro to Beverage. That's what I'm calling it, anyway. We learned about coffee, coffee service and being jittery.

Half of the GYD (Garnish Your Degree, AKA Kids with Useless Degrees) people I was with last semester have the Cool Chef fo r Food Service Production. There's a new GYD who knows The Big Lebowski by heart and I've decided that every day I'm going to torment him by thinking up random scenes and having him do the lines and voices. Today he was kind of embarrassed but I think he'll get used to it. =)

Tonight at the gym I saw approx. 15 min of Top Chef without the sound. Its the episode that Anthony Bourdain guest-appears on. I wish I could've heard what he had to say. I hope that the guy with the hair like Ace Ventura, Pet Detective loses and I don't know why. His 'do was a bit too perfect and sculpted, like maybe he'd spent more time on that than thinking up an impressive menu.

Tonight and tomorrow its supposed to snow and I'm not sure about driving...i hope it does this less, rather than more, at least Mon-Thurs.

Grilling With Beer

2006-11-27T20:52:00.000-07:00

My friend and fellow beer connoisseur, Lucy Saunders just published her latest book -

She gave me some to sell as a fundraiser for my summer culinary externship. I'm not charging any shipping:

I'm hoping to be at either Beer Bistro in Toronto ~

or Zingerman's in Ann Arbor, MI.

If I wasn't selling them, I'd love to get one for Christmas. =) I do accept Paypal and ship extra quickly!

Basketball Revival

2006-11-26T01:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not one of those people who uses sports metaphors to describe the beautiful, sublime or bizarre.
Hmmm. Not sure where I was going with that. Tonight's game was fun. Maybe next time when I think *something* is impossible, I'll remember how I was brought up to be an optimist. And not even Mr. Pink will convince me to think otherwise.
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/recap?gameId=263290057

Happy Thanksgiving

2006-11-23T15:46:00.000-07:00

Dinner went well, all the food was pretty tasty but I didn't crave any because of the time I put in. We were supposed to eat at 1 and were sitting down before 2. Pictures were taken and they should be funny.

Tonight is dinner at Dad and Peggy's. I can't imagine eating anything else....

You Ain't Know

2006-11-19T01:29:00.000-07:00

I just ate popcorn in bed and it is now everywhere. i'm kind of too lazy to get up and find it all.

(not so) Big Doings

2006-11-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

So I'm here in Lawrence and it's been a blast so far. Got in Thursday night and went out in Kansas City last night with Jo and Wenjun. I can't wait to see the pics from the Med School party.

Met up with Jo and Kris at Free State today for some tasty lunch and a beer. Right now I'm watching the KU/K-State game and wish I was there. KU definitely brought their game and held on to win. I was so sure they'd get smashed.

It's strange being back here. Always a mix of nostalgia and sadness that I can't explain. There's a ton of happiness, too but I understand that part of it.

Even though I haven't really done anything today, I feel like I've accomplished something because I got the Thanksgiving menu together. I'm not sure if 100% of this is going to get made,but I hope so, because it would rock my socks.

Em's First Thanksgiving Feast, in which she makes (almost) everything herself:

Roast Turkey w/Pomegranate Molasses Glaze, Lotsa Gravy
Mashed Potatoes w/Carrots, Leeks and Roasted Garlic
Sweet Potato Orange Cups
Cornbread Dressing (with Apples and maybe Sausage)
Butternut Squash & Squash Gratin
Cranberry Walnut Conserve
~maybe something pickled, maybe a salad too
Yeast Rolls of some sort
my Mom's Pecan Pie
Caramel Pumpkin Pie

What do you think?

To Summarize...

2006-11-13T21:49:00.000-07:00

I called Nate's mom (Wenjun, you know who I'm talking about) to find out whether he got shipped out with the military. I'm gonna be upset if she doesn't call or email me. I wonder if he feels like his so-called debt to society has been paid...I hope he doesn't feel like still he owes anyone anything.

Dad got a new dog, Zoe or Z-Dog. Also a new rat, Violet. I'll be sure to post pics, mostly for my own benefit after I get back from Thanksgiving.

Thursday I leave for Kansas. Mr. Pink will arrive later.
Can't wait to see everyone and attempt my first Dinner (THE dinner). Everyone better cut me some slack. I will post some pictures because that's what culinary students do.

Hmm, what else. Plans for Christmas are still up in the air, but I will be going to the 'ville. And back when Baby Barron makes her appearance.

I feel like I should start getting Christmas presents. And its not even Thanksgiving yet. Great.

I'm on Facebook. And not on Myspace anymore.

2006-11-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

Ok, I didn't vote. Time just got away from me and registering here. But I am aware of the issues and candidates. Which only makes a difference to me, I guess. Colorado is the first state I've lived in where my vote would've made an impact...my views are much more in line with the general population here.

I made some amazing chili today. Everyone scoffed when I was planning to add cocoa. A lot more flavor depth and color than yesterday's version.

So if you had your choice between dim sum, Syrian (the restaurant got rave reviews by a source a trust) or...something completely different, what would you choose? I'm already looking forward to the weekend's nice meal out.

This week is going so well ~ class is as laidback as it could ever be, thanks to the Chef. If I'm ever in a similar position (which I cannot imagine), I hope to be just like everyone's favorite JWU Chef.

No Longer an Owner....

2006-11-04T12:18:00.000-07:00

the house FINALLY sold! woooo hoooo
Don't know any specifics...I mean, why would I? Its all good though. Not a bad first
experience.

Sadness - about a lot ot things

2006-11-03T19:35:00.000-07:00

Yet, everything still remains.
My heart is broken
and I don't know what to do-
but I'll figure it out.
Slowly and surely
life will come together again.

I'm silent at strange times
with people I know and love
because suddenly, there's a void in my mind.
Words don't flow like they used to-
I don't know why.

I never wanted to be different like this,
I never intended any pain.
But I've hurt so many, trying to find myself
in misguided ways.

I don't want to lose myself.
Anymore.

Halloween!

2006-10-31T21:06:00.000-07:00

I went out on Saturday night to Polly Esther's, a dance club in Denver. It was so sweet of Fran to invite me along with her crew. It was an awesome time, dancing the night away. Here's what I looked like:For some reason, you have to click on the white space to see me. Dunno why.
My grandma is the cutest...she wrote saying that for the 11th year in a row there haven't been any trick-or-treaters come by their house. But, she said she was prepared with free Wendy's Frosty coupons just in case.

My Sweetest Downfall

2006-10-18T19:52:00.000-06:00

= not liking being alone.
A beautiful, independent and wise woman told me today, "alone is not equivalent to unhappiness and single is not synonymous with available."
Yes.
Thanks Jo.

Taking it one day at a time.

Back

2006-10-16T14:27:00.000-06:00

Today has been really rough. My mind was elsewhere during production today and it really showed. I'm glad my practical exam isn't until tomorrow.
My roommate is a 47 year old Jewish accountant who holds a socialist ideology and only dates Mexican men (but not if they're from Durango.) She supports the Zapatistas and the leftist Mexican Presidential candidate, Andrés Manuel López Obrador. He's the guy who insisted on a recount and proclaimed that the results would be invalid unless he was named El Presidente. He also the guy who made it impossible for my sister to go to the Zocalo (city center) for Mexican Independence Day because of possible violence. I don't know specifics about his politics though.

I am wondering how the Zapatista coffee I purchased today will be. More soon.

Hiatus

2006-10-06T01:01:00.000-06:00

I won't be posting for a little while...I need to deal with some sadness and pain. Feel free to contact me though.

Keeping on Truckin'

2006-09-30T21:19:00.000-06:00

Monday and Tuesday are my last days of Essentials of Dining Room.
Its been an interesting experience. I don't know what else there is left to cover in Advanced Dining Room, which I'll have in the spring.

One of the most interesting (and unexpected) aspects of this class is all the French we are learning. We are serving food for the French Cuisine section and the entire menu is written in French.

Wednesday I start "New World Cuisine." It should be called "Grilling and Frying" but that wouldn't sound as good.

Stole this quiz from Maggie:

1) When was the last time you went to the bathroom outside?
when we went hiking last

2) When was the last time you saw one of your parents?
August, right before I moved out here. I'll see mi madre in less than 2 weeks, woo hoo

3) Which family member do you most resemble?
the postman. shhh

4) Do you wear cologne/perfume?
I mostly collect it rather than wear it because i have "hoarding tendencies"

5) Do you wear deodorant?
yes. Degree to be exact

6) Do you 'clean up nice'?
Dude. I always look nice, even if it is only in my mind.

7) When was the last time you tripped and fell?
i took a spectacular dive when i was running with Maelynn back in July. Sprawling and all.

8) Where was the last place you slept besides your home?
the Subaru while it was raining

9) What are you listening to right now?
rats chewing and cars traveling.

10) Have you ever started an uncontrollable fire?
yes and it burned burned burned. That ring of fire.

11) Ever run out of gas on the road?
no but I know someone who has done it twice

12) Would you rather cut the grass or rake the leaves?
Mags is right. No one says "cut the grass". I would rather MOW than rake. Because raking is pointless. The leaves will just fall again. And you can mow leaves!

13) Your name spelled backwards?
ylime. y lime. hehehe.

14) What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
a stupid stupid Blackberry update that did nothing to help me access the internet. You'd think the tech would've figured that out ahead of time.

15) Last time you swam in a pool?
Eeesh. Jeff's experience at the Y made me wary. I don't remember.

16) Have you ever been in a school play?
2nd grade. I was forced!

17) How many kids do you want?
having a big family would be neat. maybe 4. So there would be an even number for rides at the amusement parks. Its weird to ride with strangers when you're little.

18) Type of music you dislike most?
anything that involves random screams and shaking and asks the listener to "interpret the meaning themselves." Its like throwing something on the sidewalk and calling it art.

19) You registered to vote?
in indiana.

20) You have cable?
no, satellite but thinking about that and the bill makes me upset

21) Ever prank call anybody?
yes.

22) Best friends?
sure.

23) Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
sky diving. but someone would have to push me out

24) Do you have a garden?
used to have some herbs before the move

25) What's your favorite comic strip?
I like Foxtrot

26) Bath or Shower, morning or night?
shower. night. I used to like bathing but it involves too much doing nothing

27) Best movie you've seen in the past month?
Hmm. Maybe 3 Kings. I have seen bits and pieces of Anchorman though and love it even MORE

28) Favorite pizza topping?
spicy italian sausage

29) Chips or popcorn?
popcorn with lots of stuff on it

30) What color lipstick do you usually wear?
see question #4. But I do love me some gloss at times.

31) Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
No. I usually stick to whatever fits in a hookah

32) Orange Juice or apple?
orange. freshly squeezed

33) Favorite type of chocolate bar?
chocolate. Dark.

34) When was the last time you voted at the polls?
Fall. Not for My Man Mitch. You can bet on that.

35) Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
at Dad and Peggy's

36) Are you a good cook?
kinda. Chef Johnson would deg to biffer I bet though

37) Ever order anything from an infomercial?
no but if i'd had a credit card at age 12 I would've been in serious trouble. Especially one of those things that made 1000s of julienne fries.

38) Sprite or 7-up?
diet Sprite

39) Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Yeah but the worse the uniform the shorter the time I worked there.

40) Ever thrown up in public?
I take great pains to avoid that.

41) Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
Hmmm. What if I already have one of those? Huh? Huh?

42) Do you believe in love at first sight?
sure, there was this half-Japanese guy in St. Louis and i was in 8th grade and I felt it. Electric.

43) Can ex's be friends?
sure but not when you get all bitter on them when they least expect it. I mean, of course they can.

44) Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
Vincent, when he had a valve in his heart replaced with that of a pig. 2 years ago i think

45) Did you have a lot of hair as a baby?
yup and i looked native american. No one has ever said that but that was the first thought in my head when I saw the pics

46) What message is on your answering machine?
"hi, this is emily..." I have a telephone voice that is higher-pitched and kind of dumb.

47) What do you think about most?
right now, alcohol. That's just sad though and it shall pass.

48) Favorite form of travel?
I really enjoy swinging. In a swing.

49) Ever drink rotten milk?
I have had some enter my mouth but did not swallow. At school we call this the "sip and spit" method.

My Secret Garden

2006-09-24T12:45:00.000-06:00

I really enjoy running and cooking. I'm really trying to do both daily. Exercising, too, but there is something about being outside or circling around a track that really clears the mind.
My sis brought up that we have a 3rd cousin, once removed in Puebla, Mexico where she's spending the semester. He also runs a culinary institute.
I want to say how crazy it is that he runs a cooking school and that I'm actually going to one, but I bet we have a 3rd cousin who has rats and/or has run a half-marathon as well.
I'm glad she'll be able to spend Thanksgiving with "family," as it means a lot to my people.
Michael Bluth: What have we always said is the most important thing?
George Michael: Breakfast?
Michael: Family.
George Michael: Oh right, family. I thought you meant out of the things you eat.

I've dropped my phone for the last time. Well Maybe not the last, last time. But it doesn't work now. I'll get my new one on Tuesday. That is why I'm not answering when you call.

I See Paris, I See France

2006-09-21T21:27:00.000-06:00

Today was the end of Introduction to Dining Room - Week 1. It was also Day 3, and I'm finally starting to see some progress in my waitressing technique.
I'm not the most coordinated gal in the world, so balancing 3 plates in one hand/arm actually took a day or so to master.

The most interesting part about this term is our chef. I thought he was Basque at first, judging by his fiery personality and statement that "it is ok to love violence."
No, he's just French.

Here's Chef's take on foie gras - "If you have eyes on the side of your head, I'm bound to kill you and eat you."

My last day at the liquor store will be this Saturday. I was starting to get burned out and frustrated after the first week and that was a bad sign.

Chef says that we need to have a "secret garden," or other hobby/interest that keeps us sane. He noted that drinking and watching TV, although distracting, would not be what he'd recommend.

The First Week

2006-09-10T00:41:00.000-06:00

Although it was just 4 days long, the Stocks, Soups, Sauces block will be half over on Monday. I forgot my knife kit on the first day, which wouldn't have been a big deal, except that my apron and two sidetowels (crucial parts of the uniform) were in it. I was directed to the storeroom where I plead my case. I can look fairly pitiful if I feel that way, so I got spares for the day.

I don't want to be too critical, but I think the chef we have is kind of arrogant, and not just talking about his skills as a chef. Not admitting when you are wrong really irritates me, especially when it involves blaming the rest of the class.

I've never had any direct experience with the military, but "culinary boot camp" pretty much sums up how we relate to our superiors. Every sentence or phrase ends in "Chef" and we say, "Thank you Chef" when we are corrected. Everything has to be ironed and pristine. You go through a lineup at the beginning of each course block (more if the chef deems it necessary).
We are being taught proper dining room procedure...for example, do you know that the proper way to eat a piece of bread is to tear it into smaller pieces and butter them as you go?

Everyone, including myself, buys into the system. We are there to learn how to cook, not to be babied or treated gently.
In a moment of weakness, I forgot where I was (I can think of no other justification) and licked butternut squash soup off a serving spoon. I was going to enjoy it and then take it to the "dish pit". Unfortunately, Chef saw me and said "I don't ever want to see you do that again!" Basically, it is a bad habit that I need to ensure never happens again.

Getting up at 5:15 am is something that will take longer to get used to than I had thought. My body doesn't do well with getting up when it is still dark, regardless of what culinary delights and learning it will receive that day...
Speaking of delights, we got truffles in exchange for some veggie soup, compliments of a chocolate class and their vegetarian chef. It is a treat to have a gourmet lunch (of varying quality) and fresh bread every day.

Wise Words (Or Those I Agree With) from....Pamela Anderson ??!

2006-09-03T23:02:00.000-06:00

I'm not going to explain how each of these pithy statements has impacted my life, but each rings true. Just ask, if you're curious.

Love never goes away; it just changes form. (For me, this isn't just true regarding romantic love. Love changes as people change and go in and out of your life.)

The best decisions you ever make are usually the ones you make even when everyone else says not to do it.

In order for a man to feel whole, he needs someone to look up to and someone to look up to him. (The someone who is looked up to doesn't necessarily need to be alive. You can tell if a man is searching for both ends of the equation.)

You know when a prayer is answered. (This is kind of a 'duh' statement, but I need to realize how many of my prayers are answered, continually.)

A pic of where I work

2006-09-01T22:35:00.000-06:00

Just so you can get a visual...the website is meridianwine.org
I have no idea where the frog logo came from. However, I am proud to say that I turned down the 2 black babydoll tees with aforementioned logo that were offered to me. I'd rather just wear one uniform per day thankuverymuch!

What to Wear

2006-09-01T18:43:00.000-06:00

Today I got my JWU ID card and was sized for my uniform. As someone who avoids ironing and is somewhat messy, I foresee that looking perfect every single day will be harder for me than some
Here's what I will be wearing (the female is modeling the "dining room" uni and the male is wearing the chef's): Click on the bar below

Guys can't have beards or long sideburns and no makeup or long fingernails.
I just have to plan ahead...is all. I'm mostly worried about making it to school on time. No idea what the traffic will be like at 6:15 am...and my chronic tardiness just can't happen!

New Things

2006-08-28T23:18:00.000-06:00

I'm really interested in playing coed hockey in the winter. I'm gathering all the gear and will save up my Meridian earnings to pay the league fee. This won't be until January because I need to practice skating and actually learn how first.

I've got my Halloween costume all figured out. I want it to be a surprise but it will involve my vampire fangs because they make me feel sexy. Basically, I could wear a garbage bag along with the fangs and feel like the hottest thing on earth. Don't know why. There will be a whip too...

Maggie is going to be a ninja and says she has a banana suit for Jeff to wear. He loves 'nanas and wouldn't we be the nonsequitur crew?

Tomorrow we're going to Ft. Collins with Kevin to have some chili beer and do other fun things. Wednesday is the Pawnee Grassland and spending the night before I have to be back at 4 to work at Meridian on Thursday. Orientation begins on Friday...

Do You Like Colorado?

2006-08-23T22:31:00.000-06:00

People ask me this all the time. And they often say, "Wow, I really love it out there."
I'm wondering, is there anyone who doesn't like Colorado? And if you do, is it for any reason other than something flexible, like the cost of living or being around lots of hippies.

Is there anyone who really doesn't like the mountains? Is the dry weather something that annoys you? If so, please let me know. I won't judge, but I might ask questions. I'm interested. Talk to me.

New Life, New Job

2006-08-23T11:23:00.000-06:00

Thursday I start at Meridian Wine & Spirits, just up the road here in Lafayette. My mom isn't happy about this because liquor stores get robbed at a higher frequency than say, Kitchen Affairs-type places.
Its a "keep it classy-San Diego" type of place, as Will Ferrell would say. Upscale in a nice neighborhood.
I really think my chances are higher of dying in a car accident, given the current statistics and my proclivity for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Random things are higher priced here, like soy sauce and sesame oil. Gas is higher too, which I understand.

My sis is in Mexico for this semester. She knows very little Spanish and is doing it immersion-style. I think I'd tend to start having conversations in my head and not notice when people were trying to talk to me. Because then I'd have to brush off the daydream cobwebs and make them say one-word-at-a-time.

Mags is going back to Fargo to get her tonsils out. I got to see their infected state last night and it was very cool, in a freakish way. Kinda reminds me of when I had mono and got all inflamed. I think I was asleep for most of the first half of senior year.

If you have any questions about school, just ask. I'll be able to give you a detailed outline of how to make the perfect consomme in less than two weeks. Exciting, I know.
And looking over my Orientation schedule...I don't think the beginnings of my career at KU included half of this stuff. It was sink or swim, children!
Hopefully I won't realize things that I should've known when I was 18.

My attitude is 100% different this time around. I'm so much more focused and ready to kick serious rear. And I don't care what anyone thinks, no sirree.

Ramblings

2006-08-15T01:02:00.000-06:00

1. I have been to more Starbucks and Target stores in the last three weeks than in the previous 3 years combined. I don't feel guilty but am eager to visit more places like the specialty Indian food store I went to today.

2. It may sound obvious but a big city means more driving, unless you are extremely familiar with the area and plan your life to avoid it. I'm not a betting gal, but I think this will be the reason why we do not make the Denver area our permanent home.

3. Boulder's Pearl St. makes me long for Lawrence's Massachusetts St. I hope that Mass Street never changes.

4. I am learning to value experiences and interactions with people more than ever before. Being solitary just isn't as fun as it used to be.

5. The Red Sox' Josh Beckett needs to lose the beard and keep a soul patch. Why do beards not work on every guy?
I would like a "soul patch" of my own, but only if it doesn't have anything to do with body hair. Maybe on my backpack.

6. If anyone has tips on how to become a morning person, please let me know. I am hoping school starting at 7 am doesn't mean I will have to get up at 5 to be fully alert and avoid cutting myself.

7. Being an aunt is going to rock. I just know it.

Here in Colorado

2006-08-11T00:30:00.000-06:00

We moved in on Tuesday...actually we got here on Monday, the truck arrived a day later. Everything went fairly smoothly. All the essentials are taken care of and boxes stored in the large (!) basement until next time. I had forgotten all the little details that are automatically taken care of when the house is owned. I don't know how the previous occupants could've dealt with the back door not locking, a bedroom door automatically locking (from the inside!) and a refrigerator that I'd rather not get into. Management is quality though, and maintenance took care of everything ASAP.

All complaints aside, the townhome seems a lot bigger than the house on Colony Road. We have a back door and patio for the first time. All the options for entertainment are quite overwhelming.

In Flux

2006-08-05T13:07:00.000-06:00

We're spending the weekend in Lawrence with my parents. Cats and rats made the trip as well. From here we're off to
Lafayette, Colorado, our home for the next year. I hope it will feel like home quickly, because the feeling of not being comfortable is so familiar. Yesterday was 6 hours of driving, the day before was cleaning up the house/packing and Wednesday was packing the truck. Sir did an amazing job of moving boxes.

I'm so exhausted...I've not had this much trouble sleeping since I was thirteen. All these thoughts are racing, moving so quickly, its hard to organize and make much sense of them. I've been so excited about moving for such a long time. All I'm left with is the residual effects.

No complaints here. Just striving for understanding. And sweet, sweet sleep.
Tomorrow is breakfast with Peggy and a visit from Grandma, Grandpa and two uncles.