Understanding

I believe that everything happens for a reason...maybe not for anything significant (at least that we can figure out) but still, a reason. I think I work in a nursing home because of my confusion related to death. This will sound strange, but until I started working in long-term care, I was never able to figure out death. I understand that a body only lasts for so long, that the mind wears out, but I'd never been around someone going through that. It just seemed to me that death was like going away...I've only seen one dead person, ever, and at funerals prefer to think that they were just away for an extended period of time.

When someone dies, you have to make peace with what you thought of them and who they were to you. This is difficult when you have very little experience creating closure with those who are alive when they leave. I have found that it is easier to do this on a smaller scale, with people you hardly knew, and transitioning eventually to those who mean the world to you.

It still doesn't seem like Grandad is gone. And because of the bizarre way I relate to the difficult and uncomfortable, I honestly wouldn't be shocked if I saw him at Thanksgiving...I'd just ask him where he went and how the weather was. I know this isn't going to happen, but it is still my way of viewing death.

Lucky #13, (random things about me)

1. I think that getting older is more about attitude and adjusting than anything else.
2. A nice comfy t-shirt and jeans represents my personality.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. It also raises your blood pressure and will end up hurting you, not them.
4. Regrets are a waste of time unless you learn from them and are able to not make the same mistake again.
5. You know the saying, you have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to? Maybe the illusion of self-love can be good enough.
6. I'm picky about friendship...its dangerous to be close to people only out for themselves.
7. I've never thought of myself as a risk-taker but according to Dad I am and compared to some of my family I'm freakin' Evil Knievel.
8. Is it wrong to do things just because the retelling of it will make a great story?
9. A lot of life is boring. Some of life is dramatic. You can change the balance but make sure you're able to deal with what you get.
10. I wish I had a Delorean that was able to time travel. I'd run into my future or past self and probably have no idea it was me..."dude that girl looks just like me and has the same clothes..."

11. Its really hard to know what to compromise on and what to let go...I have to say, is this really important to me?
12. So communication is hard for me, especially when you don't know how it will affect the other person, (who you care about or wouldn't be making this effort in the first place), so sometimes I have to take approx. 30 seconds of silence and figure out what to say.
13. #12 makes me feel slightly mentally-handicapped

We're Goin' Home Loki

"We've paid our debt. Don't you think it's time... Don't you think it's time we went home? And to do that... I... I think we may have to dispatch our-our would be dispatchers."

I freakin' love Dogma.

My other favorite quote:
"Your hard-on for smiting has prevented us from negotiating what ought to be the relatively simple matter of catching or staying on a bus."

Clerks and Chasing Amy rock the house, but Dogma has Matt Damon in it. As a fallen angel. I've always wanted to play hockey on a roof though. Chasing Amy has Joey Lauren Adams.
We'll call it a 3-way tie.

The day after tomorrow, partypartyparty. No specific plans other than seeing the family, drinking Octoberfest and lots and lots of food.

One Day at a Time

My head's been messing with me for awhile now...theres quite a bit of repetition at my work so the days sometimes get mixed up. Being in charge of people and dealing with their problems and the stress of running a kitchen...I guess I see life as a series of starts and stops, beginnings and endings, and I'm in a very fluid place. Something to look forward to ~ going to Kansas, everyone meeting E, seeing M. and my other friends again. I think, then what, what do I do to always be interested in life, to plan and grow as a person?

Spanish lessons - start Oct. 12th
Leadership class (for work) - Nov. 2

I'm really looking forward to this Friday though, Cymbalta hopefully and then Oktoberfest!