Not Playing Nice

I'm a big fan of standup comedy. Especially creative ones who draw on life experiences rather than stereotypes. With some exceptions, of course. I'd heard of Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, etc. but the first I remember hearing was the infamous Martin Lawrence Saturday Night Live opening monologue. You know, the one so raunchy and gross that got him banned forever from the show.
I saw that with my Dad. It was like a trainwreck. We sat, transfixed by our embarrassment and disbelief.
Wait, before that was Jeff Foxworthy. I think. The timelines get kind of blurry. You know, blah blah blah "You might be a redneck."
I'm using that format to describe a pet peeve of mine.

When a girl, two girls, or even 3 are out having a good time, this is not an invitation for guys to come up, sit down and strike up a conversation. I'm not saying you can't say hello, offer a flattering remark or two, but chances are, you are not welcome to sit down.

Even more annoying is the often-presumed fact that the girl or girls in question would like your phone number. How do you know that she is, first of all, single and second of all, heterosexual and third of all, even interested?

I know the following isn't nice. But it is true, and makes me giggle a little.

If you have teeth that would make someone from Great Britain cringe..."she's probably not interested."
If you talk repeatedly about things in your life you would like to change, your clothes, ex-girlfriend, or your mother..."she's probably not interested."
If you lie about your age (especially if she finds out by asking your 'wingman', ''she's probably not interested."
If you try to act like you know about her career and have no freaking clue what you're talking about...yeah. Definitely not interested.

I could go on about racial slurs, ignorance in general, etc. but you get the idea. Some girls are polite enough to take your number and quietly throw it away. I really think that the best thing to do is to cut them off before it gets to that point. For example, when they sit down, do not accept a drink, say you'd prefer to be by yourself/with friends and if all else fails, move or leave as quickly as possible.

I undestand that most girls know these suggestion and have put them into practice many times. I'm assuming that there are those out there who are as naive as I am, or was and were under the impression that just ignoring the guy in question would be enough.