Tuesday, May 27, 2008
When the days flow together and the sadness of loss becomes overwhelming, the thoughts of leaving all the drama, headache and emotional intensity of the life I lead behind intensify. To go somewhere, even for a little while, where no one expects anything and I am free to do what I please, sounds so nice.
I am realizing responsibilities that arise out of mistakes, of escaping one situation and finding yourself, as if in a dream, right in the middle of another, are beyond comprehension.
When I was younger, I used to ask questions about why things were the way they were. And then I would ask why, were those things the way they were. And I always got answers, which made perfect sense according to where I was at that time. As I grow older, I realize that many of those answers were falss, but gave me hope and the ability to act, instead of being rendered helpless ~ weighed down by the baggage of life in general.
And yet, every day, I cannot help but look for things, people, actions, etc that give true meaning to what I struggle with. And that keeps me here.
Monday, May 12, 2008
It is exactly what it looks like, a grilled cheese sandwich with mayo and breaded fish. MMMM.
In other news, this month is full of some pretty exciting changes, events etc. E is done with school until the fall, his friend Abby is coming out to visit, my friend Maelynn is coming out to visit, the kitchen at work has closed and is being remodeled...there's a new apartment in an entirely different part of town (a lot closer to work, which is nice) and more stuff that you'll have to contact me to find out. =)