Tuesday, December 28, 2004

White Evansville

By white, I mean snow-covered. Everyone who said "Gee, wouldn't it be nice to have a white Christmas," and "I LIKE snow," I hope you realize what you've done. 22 inches fell on Sodom, I mean Evansville. And it is disappearing into massive puddles of dirty slush. I know everyone reading this has seen Groundhog Day, and I ask you to remember the scene where Bill Murray's leg slipped off the curb. I no longer find that scene funny.
If snow was some sort of sign that winter had arrived, that hot chocolate and mulled grog would be enjoyed for a time, my attitude would be different.
At the same time, I realize that the weather could be much worse. I felt humbled seeing pictures of destroyed Sri Lankan villages and hearing concerns that contaminated water might cause as many deaths as the tsunmis did.
Sometimes there just isn't a reason and finding comfort in that knowledge seems strange.
On a completely different note, I really enjoy Run DMC. Especially "whose house, RUN'S HOUSE." I need to rent Crush Groove again.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Dr. Michael Speak Tha Truth

Sometimes I read something really funny or simply kind of amusing and laugh out loud. When I do this I think of my brother, who has the propensity for doing the same. Usually he and I think the same things are funny.
You gotta read this. If its not funny, I'm sorry. Sort of.



I apologize for my ignorance. Desperate Housewives is a show for all adults and I'm sorry that I made it out to be "a Lifetime wannabe."

Today is my boss's last day at work before she is gone until the New Year. I had a small gift for her, but instead of giving it to her straight away, I put it in her box and then had another manager give it to her. At the time I had these visions of her being surprised but realize that she and I both know we don't like talking to each other. In fact, for whatever reason, being in each others' presence ranges from slightly to overwhelmingly uncomfortable, depending on how much she is trying to help me (read: has nothing to do herself.)

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Holiday Cheer

I was all set to post about my horrible afternoon at the mall, getting the remainder of the presents. But it went quickly. As long as you don't stop and know exactly what you are getting and are greeted by salespeople who are familiar with a cash register, all is good. I will read this next year and find some sort of solace. Maybe. The only bad part was that it was 20 degrees and I had to park a ways away from the entrance. I did find that Victoria's Secret Beauty sells gift certificates that can be used at the regular "lingerie" stores.

I spoke with a guy who was helped by a salesperson who thought he was buying thongs for his sister. She was very cheerful and guided him to "that which he thought was within his budget." He stammered and sputtered (once the slow moron realized that high school girls were following him and that the assumption by the equally-slow saleswoman was natural) that they were for his "kinda, sorta, not-really girlfriend."
I wish I could've been there to witness the proceedings. I can assure you that he was neither convincing and probably thinking about the underage girls shadowing him when he plead his case.

On a similarly uncomfortable topic, I just spoke to my friend's father, who i was certain was my friend's stoner homie. Who, over the age of 35 watches Desperate Housewives? Or giggles when I say I've never watched it?
This sign next to my house, at some instrument/music store, says "you won't get the girl playing xbox." I think to myself, every single time I see it, you won't get the girl playing 3-chord measures of Stairway to Heaven either.
I made kick-rear White Chocolate Cranberry Bliss Bars today. They are like the ones currently available at Starbux only less corporately-overpriced. If you come to my house, I will sell you one for just .50.

Monday, December 13, 2004


Its Monday but I'm already dreading Friday. That usually blissful day will include an overload of Christmas cheer following a trip to Schnucks. What is that? Schnucks? It sounds like something you'd blurt to avoid offending your grandmother. E. is right. I do a lot of fairly nontraditional (not the word he used) activities for my job. I've stopped thinking why and have restarted the zen-like bliss I want to have every day whilst looking at these beige cubicle walls.
If you are at all familiar with the obscenity case involving 2 Live Crew, let me know. I will be thinking a lot about it tonight.
Why do people feel pressed to comment when they see a newborn with a lot of hair? Children aren't usually born blind and hairless like my sweet rodent babies. Or maybe I've been led astray all these years.
Some people spam blogs. Those people are sick and wrong.
If you bring an food item for the adopted families, you do not have to attach the ornament stating what it is to the package. I know the heavy jar with thick red liquid is spaghetti sauce.
Mr. G, I know you are single and meeting that special someone is important. But your cologne made me throw up in my mouth...just a little. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Today I'm meeting Sir for lunch. I have a feeling I'm going to get no help on what to get him for Christmas. He may end up with a cigar like last year.
The song I'm really digging right now is Outlandish's Aicha. Yes, they are a more creative, European, swarthy version of the Backstreet Boys. But that song is so sweet and catchy. The best part is that Aicha seems to be a single mother and the O-boys are just fine with that. With lines revering God and choice French phrases, they got themselves a hit.

If you get a chance, check out http://andreaseigel.typepad.com/afternoon ~ her entry for today is funny, sweet, sad and incredibly well-written.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

O Christmas Tree

Vincent had surgery today. We haven't heard anything one way or another how it went. He's really strong and the biggest sadness about it is that he will be slowed down until March. We visited him last night at the hospital and he was so excited about everyone there. The man loves attention and people. He showed us the special wash he has to use before surgery -- all those germs, ya know. I wish Vincent's girl was there so I could see him beam.
An admin at work was taken away by ambulance a few days ago because of the enormous Christmas tree in the lobby. Apparently she is very allergic to fir or pine or whatever kind of monstrosity they have laden with the most gaudy ornaments available.
She is working at a building close by until the holiday season is over.

Monday, December 06, 2004


I just saw a Magic 8 ball on my boss's supervisor's desk. Something about that man is just a little shaky and I'm beginning to understand. I just want to know, does he use the 8ball to decide whether to go to lunch with the "crew" or is it for more serious questions like whether to allow a promotion?


Vincent is our 82 or 83 year old neighbor. He lives alone and is always busy doing something, whether it be making sure that his hedges are completely uniform in shape or mowing his grass semi-compulsively. Lately, we hadn't been seeing much of ol' Vince-O. There just hasn't been as much yard maintenance needed. Yesterday, his son-in-law came over to tell us that Vincent had been walking with his girlfriend at the mall and out of the blue, passed out. So he's in the hospital, frustrated as I can imagine, getting tests done.
I feel a bit guilty, not having brought V. any baked goods recently or visiting to see his Christmas decorations. I'm comforted that he has a 75 year old lady, that challenges him to walk quickly and embrace life.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Keeping it Together

This week is just been bad. I wish I had a fast forward button to get past the rest of today and tomorrow.
I screwed up at work and people are inconvenienced as a result. Its not a big deal (no money involved) but the fact that I have so little to do just makes it that much worse.
The interview went really well. I know that if they chose me I would have a challenging position with a nice supervisor. Plus I wouldn't have to take down the Christmas tree. Hopefully.
I'm excited about making lots of cookies on Monday for the exchange. If only I could cook for people all the time.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004


J. cleaned today. He saw dirtiness that I had long since stopped noticing and took care of it. Seeing the rooms was like getting glasses for the first time. Everything looked sharp, clear and...dust-free.
N. hurt Sterling because she scratched him. He didn't apologize and just sat, looking remarkably demonic. Like one of the little boys at the end of Rosemary's Baby. I won't go into detail about what happened but we'll definitely be "ending the match." At first I was equally sad about losing N. and Sterling being hurt. I got really angry though as we were taking him home. He needs psychiatric help and his mother is so...drugged up? mentally deficient?, it will be a miracle if he graduates from high school without getting in serious trouble.
So I sit, enjoying a tasty Anchor OSA in a clean room, bummed out and wondering about nothing in particular. You can either fight or accept and sometimes neither option seems appealing.

Monday, November 29, 2004

I'm Bored, Ok?

Long story short: the Christmas tree is up. I think I might try persuading J. to wrestle with ours, if we get one. I understand now why the erecting/decorating/lighting can be a time of cursing. But thats over now, I have the collection of various canned goods as well as an interview in another department to look forward to.
Unrelated note:
I can just imagine the Germans saying to themselves, "Warum w├╝rde sie solch eine Sache tun?" Pay her more, you sillyheads and she wouldn't have to take nude photos! But from what I hear, the pics were tasteful and artistically done (as well as not showing anything verboten) so I'm understanding where Miss Weisse Schnee is coming from.

Call Me Scrooge

I'm not quite understanding why we have to have a Christmas tree in our department. And there just isn't any room. File cabinets have filled the space from last year. I'm not going to lie, part of my scroogosity is due to the fact that I will have to put it up. I'll have to list "put up Christmas tree and accompanying decorations" on my weekly report. And then it will be obvious that I really don't have much to do.
Jessica's baby, Eliza, died yesterday. It has been so long since I've talked to her but she wrote us a month ago and seemed hopeful. I never got the chance to meet Eliza but I know she was brave and strong. And now she's at peace.

Friday, November 26, 2004


Part one and part two of Turkey Day are over now and I'm enjoying silence that comes from everyone socializing elsewhere. Its just fun to be alone sometimes.
Lawrence is different with my friends gone. I'm looking forward to getting outside tomorrow.
Don and Simcoe are getting new homes on Sunday.
Caucus. Thats a neat word. Instead of saying, "Let's go have a meeting," you could say "Let's go have a caucus."

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Back Again

Its time for Kansas basketball again. They've played a 'real' game prior to tonight but not that I could view. So tonight is the official start for me.
My bro pointed out that blogs aren't necessarily supposed to be funny. I just want to avoid being boring.
I wonder what is going to happen when I get a job that demands I work hard. I probably won't update as much because I won't have time to think about all the random things that make life interesting every day. Not doing actual work is more interesting than you might think. But that's just because I have to leave the house and work with other spazzes that may or may not be being productive.
I work with one of the sweetest ladies who always seems to be overwhelmed with tasks. But I wonder if the work is difficult or if she's gotten exceptional at spacing things out so that she always has something to do.
I never thought Dilbert (the cartoon, is that still around?) was that funny. But now I think that was because I never had a frame of reference for the types of situations he was in.

Ahh, I hear the Rock Chalk chant. Bittersweet, thats what that is. Oh, to be 18 again.

Monday, November 22, 2004


On September 28, Buttons was born. She was the color of a pork chop with a tiny little tail. There were 14 other babies, so she did her best to fight for...milk. She grew very quickly and enjoyed wrestling with her sisters and biting them when she felt it was appropriate. One day, Buttons went to live with someone else. The nice lady said, "Thank you Emily for being such a good mommy to Buttons."

Here is a picture of Buttons: www.tailspinzrattery.com/Buttons.html

The End

Not Seattle

Its fairly safe to say that the sun has not shown for more than 45 minutes total in the last week and a half.
Yet every day I wake up expecting it to be sunny. Or at least not raining.
J. said something yesterday about living in Lawrence. That makes me excited. But I would settle for just being in the area.
A manager in the dept. keeps sending documents to this really dysfunctional printer located right outside my cube. She's making these really exasperated noises. I wonder why she doesn't use one of the other 5 available.
Just so I don't have to hear about it, could you please walk extra 30 feet to the other printer? Its hard for me to deal with life, what with my pointless work existence, it being rainy and my in-laws coming for dinner tonight. Thank you.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Watching the Watchers

The Village is an interesting film. I paid $3 to see it at the cheapie theater and felt that was about right. There were many metaphors about life that I wasn't expecting and some, quite frankly, I could've done without.
After it was over, we sat there. Our friends were watching the credits. I'd always made fun of credit-watchers before, not really understanding why they would sit in the theater rather than stretching after a long film.
I think maybe they sit, not to watch the names scroll by, but to maybe digest what they've just seen. A final reflection, if you will. I'm still not a convert.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

You've Got a Man Now, Bess! You've Got Porgy!

Last night we saw Porgy and Bess. Its the only opera I've seen thats been in English but at least with the ones in Italian you can read the teleprompter thingy to know everything thats happening. Just in case you've never seen it, here's a brief rundown.

The two main characters are Porgy, a cripple and Bess, a big ho. In fact, if there was a union for such people, Bess would most likely be their advocate. Bess is 'wit' Crown, a big burly dude with a penchant for strong liquor (he says on more than one occasion, 'dis jus' ain't strong enough'). The two of them run around with Sporting Life who can best be described as a dapper drug dealer/pimp who can really dance. He loves tempting people with 'happy dust.'

Crown kills a man and Bess goes to Porgy for refuge. The local women see her for who she is -- basically a cocaine-addicted trick with a heart--but Porgy can't. They fall in love but Bess tearfully explains that Crown has her 'hypnotize' and she'd go back to him if he came for her. Of course he does and Porgy kills him.. When Porgy leaves to identify Crown's body (why?) Bess runs off with Sporting Life to New York.

Porgy has this square skateboard-type platform he rolls around on and it tended to distract from the especially dramatic moments. After it was over, he rolled out for applause and jumped up. I yelled "Hallelujah!" and some people around me gave me dirty looks.

The music was the best part. If you've never heard Gershwin, the man was truly a genius.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Just Shut Up

I think that if I keep the music going (and turn it up just a little louder every few minutes) the people in the conference room might shut the door. But the Evil Admin has trained everyone to keep all doors open no matter what. And to never ever wear any sort of fragrance, lest she get some sort of sensory overload that might render her unable to bitch for awhile.
She's gone this week. Its Friday though and I don't feel that I've relished her absence as much as I should.
I try not to think that it doesn't matter whether I'm here at work or not. Two days off, four days off...I have to come back at some point. There will come a day when I just can't anymore and I wonder when that will be.
Like Kuhnhenn, the plucky bald runner. He's always falling down or almost getting hit by a car. The car contact count is up to 4. I've not seen him but he gets up again, no matter how much he's bleeding or in apparent pain. He's not always hurt, but from what Dale says he is either made of rubber or extremely lucky.

I'm motivated by him. He loves running and will do it no matter the cost.
I never want to be motivated by those in my department who have been bouncing back for decades. Pain keeps you cognizant of where you are in life. The blase attitude that people take here strings weeks into months into years with reality one step behind.
Phantom Planet blasts "Big Brat" and still, the door stays open.

Thursday, November 18, 2004


I got the idea for this blog mostly from Andrea Seigel's Afternoon in Drama...she's hilarious, irreverent and talented. Also a published author.
I love reading food blogs...especially 101cookbooks.com and tastingmenu.
So maybe this will be a combination. I don't really want to get personal. If you want to know something about me, just ask.

Besides the eBay auction for a grilled cheese sandwich in the shape of the Virgin Mary, something else on my mind this morning:
I wish it wasn't posted on Michael Moore's site. I'm not doubting the credibility of it but he's the liberal counterpart of Jerry Falwell.