"I told her, 'You know what? You're like the Red Panda. Tomorrow everybody will be staring at the crowd and looking for you and you won't even be there.'"
When the days flow together and the sadness of loss becomes overwhelming, the thoughts of leaving all the drama, headache and emotional intensity of the life I lead behind intensify. To go somewhere, even for a little while, where no one expects anything and I am free to do what I please, sounds so nice.
I am realizing responsibilities that arise out of mistakes, of escaping one situation and finding yourself, as if in a dream, right in the middle of another, are beyond comprehension.
When I was younger, I used to ask questions about why things were the way they were. And then I would ask why, were those things the way they were. And I always got answers, which made perfect sense according to where I was at that time. As I grow older, I realize that many of those answers were falss, but gave me hope and the ability to act, instead of being rendered helpless ~ weighed down by the baggage of life in general.
And yet, every day, I cannot help but look for things, people, actions, etc that give true meaning to what I struggle with. And that keeps me here.